Treacherous
by hufflepuff-hippie
Summary: James' ancestry requires him to marry another pureblood. James has never been one to follow the rules and finds himself falling for muggleborn Lily Evans. With a war brewing it is imperative that he plays the right cards or he risks not only loosing everyone he's ever cared about but also everything he stands for. Will he choose what is right? Or what is easy?
1. The Start

**Treacherous**

**Disclaimer: **I was watching The Little Mermaid when I heard the line "He's a human, you're a mermaid" which made me think of our favorite couple because James is a pureblood and Lily is a muggleborn. This is my take on that idea that they cannot be together.

**Summary:** James Potter has always been bound by his ancestry to marry another pureblood. With a war brewing it is imperative that he plays the right moves or he risks being labeled as a sympathizer to 'impure' magical beings like muggleborns. James finds himself in a reckless position when he starts falling for muggleborn Lily Evans, putting them both down a treacherous road.

**Chapter 1:**

James' eyes flickered up to the paper that his Aunt Dory was readying calmly over her large bifocals. The front page was graced with Ministry propaganda and stories about how the Conservatives were fighting with the Liberals about muggle born rights. Nothing had changed since the last morning paper. James frowned and looked down his plate, eating the rest of his food quietly. It was only the tapping coming from the window that interrupted the average morning routine in the Potter household.

Aunt Dory lifted one thick white eyebrow to James, silently asking him to check the window. James placed down his fork and stood up, stretching for a moment before walking over to the window where a very burly owl was tapping the glass with its yellow beak. James recognized the owl, as he had seen it many times before at his window with letters from his best mate, Sirius.

"It's Hermes." James spoke as he opened the window for the owl to swoop through and land on the kitchen table, "Sirius doesn't use the Black family owl any longer so it's not from him."

"Must be Druella." Aunt Dory replied, pointing a knarled finger out at the owl, "Get the parchment, would you James?"

James groaned, "Aunt Dory, can't we just—"

"The letter James." Aunt Dory snapped, her voice cracking as the owl hopped over to James.

James took the letter from the owl and opened it, so he could read it before his Aunt. Before he even got past the first sentence, he sniffed haughtily and threw the piece of parchment at his Aunt. She fixed the glasses on her thin nose, reading the parchment as James picked up the Black family owl and sent it back onto the route of delivery. He struggled to not immediately start retaliating against the information in the letter.

Andromeda Black was back from her four year exchange study in America. The Black family wanted to set a date for the pair to be married immediately and James felt his stomach roll at the thought of marrying a girl he hadn't talked with in well over seven years. Andromeda had graduated from Hogwarts and gone to America to work for a wizardry law firm and James had secretly hoped the middle Black sister wouldn't return.

There was nothing wrong with her, James actually remembered her being very sweet, but they were cousins. _Cousins_. Was is that imperative to keep the Potter bloodline pure and clean of non-magical blood? James was almost certain that his parents didn't have this in their plans when they died. James collapsed into the chair across from his Aunt and crossed his arms like a five year old being told off for acting naughty.

"James we've spoke of this." Her tone was soft, but threatening. She was warning him not to blow off his top.

"Aunt Dory," James' tone was exasperated already, "My mum and dad wouldn't have wanted _this_."

The old woman stood up, her body shaking from the stress it placed on her frail bones. Aunt Dory was at least ninety-nine years old and had outlived almost everyone in her immediate family. James was her great nephew and when his parents had died she took James under her wing. At seventeen, James was legally allowed to go out on his own but he'd stuck around because his grandfathers sister probably shouldn't live alone at a time like this. Not at a time when wizards were raging revolts on the streets and people were disappearing out of their own homes.

James' eyes grazed down Aunt Dorys small frame and noticed she appeared paler than the last time he'd properly looked at her. The world was a sinister place, and growing more dangerous each day. Dory didn't stand a chance if the Death Eaters came and tried to get her to pledge her allegiance to Him.

"I can't marry my cousin," James spoke up begrudgingly, "I don't love her."

"I don't care if you think she looks like a troll." Aunt Dory's fingernails clicked against the wooden table, "Their family has already practically handed themselves over to The Dark Lord, the Black family is _safe_. Thanks to your father marrying a Bones relative, the Potter family is in question."

James bristled at the mention of his mother in such sour terms, "She was a good woman." James felt his neck hairs stand on end as he tried to control his temper.

Aunt Dory sighed and dropped back in her chair, moaning, "Ah, boy," she assured, "I didn't mean it that way. I loved your mother, you know I did, but the Bones' lineage _is_ questionable."

James frowned, picking up his fork and twirling it between his fingers. His Aunt just wanted to help keep James out of trouble. James knew his Aunt cared for him, despite how much she nagged him. James knew the Death Eaters—the workers for Him—were keeping taps on all the purebloods. James' family had always been somewhat liberal on the subject of keeping blood pure but as the last of the Potter line, James had a duty to his family to keep the pure bloodline going.

"I'll invite Andromeda over for tea." Aunt Dory's voice scratched the surface of his subconscious but he didn't answer her.

James had to get out of the house. He needed to think about everything placed in front of him. Aunt Dory ignored his dramatic exit from the kitchen and into the narrow maroon covered hallway. James pulled on his cloak and pushed out of the door while pulling his wand from his pocket. He dissaperated and found himself in Diagon Alley, walking up and down the tapered streets.

Lights glittering up and down the pathways almost masked the feel of distrust in the air. It was the start of the Christmas holidays and witches and wizards rushed past James for their holiday needs. No one dared make any direct eye contact. Now-a-days people were disappearing out of their beds. Their magical world was no longer safe. James stopped in front of the Quidditch Supplies store and stared longingly at the scene of the family playing Christmas quidditch in the storefront. He and his parents used to play Christmas quidditch before they died.

"James?"

James turned away from the storefront and looked down at a small redheaded female. Her nose was wrinkled as she smiled up at him with a great wide grin. Normally her red hair was pulled back out of her face in classes but right now it tumbled down her shoulders in waves. James rested his eyes on hers and saw nothing but brilliant green.

"Lily." He smiled down at the small woman wearing a Christmas robe adorned with holly around the sleeves, "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas." She repeated with a slight nod.

James didn't dare stare at her eyes for too long, he wasn't so sure being around her for very long was the brightest thing. Lily Evans was muggleborn and it wasn't that he had anything against her. Quite the opposite actually, he found her positively enthralling, but she could be picked on by other wizards for talking with a pureblood like James. James loved being at school because they were Head boy and Girl together so he always made up excuses to do rounds with her when he could.

It was like she was waiting for him to say something. She was beaming and leaning into her toes, like a bird ready to take flight. It seemed like Lily didn't care what others thought. James always admired her for her strong willed character. James just stared at her, wondering how on earth he could actually talk to her without sounding like an idiot.

"I was grabbing a hot chocolate," she explained, "I'm on a break from work."

"Work?" James quipped, "Here in Diagon Alley?"

Lily nodded, pushing back her curls, "Yeah, I need to be able to afford some new books for the start of the next term. Slughorn got me a small job in Potions Supplies over break." She half turned away from him and offered, "Want to join me?"

"I don't think I can." James mumbled, ruffling his hair and looking at the old cobblestoned ground.

"Oh." But she didn't sound upset, she sounded nettled, "Alright."

James fluttered his eyes back up to see her walking away towards the coffee shop. His felt a twinge of guilt for turning her down because, Hell, he wanted to go sit down in a warm shop with Lily Evans. He wanted it more than anything. If only he was fifteen again, not a care in the world, living the life. James would've jumped at the chance to have a drink with the gorgeous redhead from school back then. Everything was different now.

James ducked his head and kicked the ground with the sole of his shoe. Aunt Dory wants him to marry Andromeda to save the bloodlines and stay safe. As long as James didn't run with muggleborns, Aunt Dory was certain that the Dark Lord raging war against the '_impure_' as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named called anyone with mixed blood, the Dark Lord would only ask for support and not James' service. It didn't matter if James didn't agree with the pureblood mania. All that mattered was James staying safe. He knew Aunt Dory had his best interest at heart but marrying Andromeda seemed like a simple way to keep the war from really hitting home.

Andromeda was his easy way out.

James turned to walk back up the narrow main street of Diagon Alley when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and looked down to see Lily standing and holding two mugs of steaming hot chocolate. She passed him a cup wordlessly, before turning and walking away; clutching her own cup like it was a life force. James stared at the mug of hot chocolate wordlessly before glancing back up, but Lily had disappeared.

He stood there much longer than he probably should have. A few people asked if he was alight. James felt like her astounding green eyes had petrified him when she passed him the cup of hot chocolate.

_Why had she done that?_

**~~~follow the heartlines on your hand~~~**

"Andy isn't bad, James." Sirius was leaning up against the bedpost of James' fourposter.

James glanced up from the floor at his best mate. The empty mug of hot chocolate from Lily sat in front of him on the threadbare carpet. Sirius was wearing slacks and a long sleeved oxford instead of a full set of wizard robes. Ever since he'd broken off ties with his family, Sirius had taken to wearing more muggle-like clothing. Aunt Dory told him he'd get himself killed if he didn't at least wear a cloak. Sirius thinks Dory is too old fashioned.

James fiddled with the mug, "She's like, seven year older than I am."

"If you want to go by age," Sirius quipped, "My parents were planning on marrying me off to the Lestrange girl and she's at least 30 years old."

James didn't doubt it. Sirius' family was the extreme of blood purists and James was going to marry into that family if Andromeda Black agreed to marry him. 'Andy' as Sirius lovingly called his cousin, was hardly normal if she came from Sirius' family. Sirius wasn't even normal. James eyed the long black haired male and imagined his pointed face slightly more feminine. James was going to marry a Black. Sirius slid down the post into a sitting position.

"Thank _Merlin_ I ran away. They're all fucking insane." Sirius sighed contentedly, "Andy was never bad though and she deserves someone like you James."

James swallowed, "I don't want to marry anyone." He pushed his glasses farther up on his nose, "I want to finish school, get a job, and make sure Aunt Dory doesn't die while cleaning gnomes out of the garden."

Sirius held up his hands defensively, "I don't want you to marry anyone either mate," he agreed, "If it were up to me we'd go traveling." His grey eyes lit up with excitement, "I've always wanted to go to Greece."

James snorted, "Yeah, Fancy us traveling around the world? Remus and Peter would tag along naturally." James spoke of their other mates fondly.

"Remus would never go for it!" Sirius argued, quickly switching his toe to imitate Remus Lupin's voice, "Sirius, James, werewolves shouldn't travel."

James chuckled, knowing full on and well that Sirius was right. Remus hated the fact that he was a werewolf, hated what it did to him every month, but James never saw what the big deal was. Remus turned into a wolf every month, so did every girl in Gryffindor tower. James was positive that Remus had his furry little problem under control as long as he had friends. James, Sirius, and Peter had all made sure that Remus would never be alone when he transformed by becoming animals themselves. They'd done it without the knowledge of the Ministry, who liked to keep track of any wizards able to completely turn into animals, but they'd done it for Remus. Werewolf bites didn't bother the boys as long as they weren't human.

James fingered a spot on his leg where Remus had gotten him good last year, absentmindedly imagining a werewolf in the tropics spraying sunscreen all over its coat of fur. He grinned before rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Maybe I could run away." He breathed finally, "Not have to deal with this pureblood mania."

Sirius was silent and then spoke, "You know it doesn't just work out that way, Prongs." He used James' nickname, Prongs, endearingly. James blew out all the air in his lungs with frustration.

"It worked for you."

"I'm not the last with the family name."

_No_, James thought bitterly, the Black family had two sons to carry on the Black legacy.

Sirius leaned forward and grabbed the mug that Lily had bought James. James sat up so he could watch Sirius. Sirius turned the mug over in his hand and gawked at it.

"Who is Lily?" he flipped the mug again and pointed to the handwriting on the side.

Lily's first name was written on the front in thick black ink, probably done by the barista in order to keep track of the orders. James stared at it blankly, trying to clear all emotions off his face.

"Lily Evans." He said simply, "Ran into her at Diagon Alley."

"And you stole her drink?" Sirius asked keenly.

"She bought it for me." James really hoped Sirius didn't notice the twinge of pink in his cheeks.

Sirius, unfortunately, did. He laughed out loud, throwing the cup to the floor and slapping his side. "Oh that's rich!"

James frowned and kicked out with his foot at Sirius who jumped out of punching range. Sirius was wiping his eyes and grinning at James wickedly.

"You bastard," he pointed at James, "You weren't going to tell me, were you?"

James mumbled incoherently and Sirius chuckled. James picked up the mug stood up, and chucked the container in the bin. He turned back to face Sirus who was grinning up at James stupidly.

"And how is she?"

"It wasn't like that Sirius." James snapped, "I turned her down when she asked me to get a drink with her. It wasn't anything like what you think."

Sirius' face turned stern, "She asked you for a drink and you turned her down?"

James rolled his eyes, "I couldn't tell her yes."

Sirius pondered this for a moment then nodded, "I suppose you aren't supposed to tell her yes, considering this whole Andromeda mess," then he resumed his wicked grin, "but James, you've had the biggest crush on Evans for as a long as I can remember and you turned her down for a quick drink? _Are you sick?_"

James sulked, as if he needed reminding that his predicament was tough. Then Sirius hit home when he spoke up again.

"Well, it was probably for the better. It's not like you could date Evans anyways. If the other pureblood families heard about you flittering about with Lily, fucking hell might break loose. The last Potter with a muggleborn…" he made a dramatic flare with his hands, "Oh the _tragedy_!"

"I can do whatever I like." James insisted.

Sirius looked at James innocently, "Oh, I know that Prongs. You know I can't exactly reprimand you for going against your heritage," Sirius stood up, coming over to where James was standing. He placed a hand on James' shoulder, "but your predicament is a bit more serious than mine ever was."

"It's not like I'm gonna go off and beg Lily Evans to marry me instead." James snorted, "It was _one_ drink."

One drink that she bought for James with her own money and if she was working that meant she didn't have a lot to spare...

Sirius lowered his eyes knowingly, "I'm not telling you what to do James but I've known you for a long time and I know that you like Lily Evans—maybe even more than you are willing to let on." James opened his mouth to protest but Sirius shushed him, "No, James, listen to me. This isn't about Lily Evans or Andy…this is about _you_. I don't want to come over and find you or Aunt Dory dead with a dark mark over the flat."

James wanted to scoff at the idea but he knew that Sirius was right.

"James, every single move you make in this blood purist game will decide your fate. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

**~~~Never Thought I Would Fall Like That~~**

James fingered his collar for the fifth time in just under a minute. Andromeda was going to walk into the tearoom at any moment. He could hear his Aunt talking to the young witch with warm tones. How was he supposed to act? They were practically betrothed…this was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with if everyone but him got what they wanted. He wondered if Andromeda even wanted this. He fiddled with the tablecloth and fixed his glasses for the umpteenth time.

When she walked through the door he was pleasantly surprised to see that despite being older than him, she still looked fairly young. Her hair was light brown and wavy to her shoulders and her dark eyes were soft and they reminded James of many a doe he'd seen in the forest. She held herself tall and glanced down at James sitting in his chair. her expression seemed almost haughty, but Sirus held the same look.

"My grandnephew," Aunt Dory made a motion for James to stand up and he did so with slight hesitation.

"James," Andromeda's voice was lighthearted, but strong, and she held out a hand to James.

James cleared his throat, feeling a bit odd as he shook this woman's hand. Her lips curved downward momentarily but then she regained her strong posture and gestured to the table.

"Everything looks wonderful." She commented gaily.

"Our house elves made everything." Aunt Dory spoke up.

James pulled out a chair for Andromeda who fell into her seat like she had been on her feet all day. She grinned up at James when he went to walk back to his own seat across the table from her. Aunt Dory excused herself but shot a warning look at James. It was like she expected him to make this difficult.

"My father says you like quidditch." She was easy to talk to, James was taking a liking to her airy attitude. She was a little like Sirius. Maybe this could work.

"I play for the Gryffindor quidditch team." James answered politely, noticing it appeared Andromeda had a few spots of what seemed to be paint on the side of her arm. That perked his interest of the girl, considering he enjoyed drawing.

"A Gryffindor?" she appeared interested, "they didn't tell me that." She tugged at her hair as a house elf poured tea into a cup, "I was a Slytherin, myself."

James pointed to her marked arm, "Do you paint?"

All of a sudden her calm composure fell when she glanced at her arm. A blush rose up her cheeks and she rushed to rub the paint from her arms. She repeated sorry at least five times. James jumped at the chance to rescue her from embarrassment quickly.

"No, that's fine," he answered immediately, "I like to draw. I always have ink all over my fingers. Aunt Dory hates it."

She looked up and her cheeks were still tinged pink. She looked much younger now, and much more like someone he could get to know more. She stuck her hands under the table, as if to hide the evidence.

"No, no," she whispered, "I don't paint or draw."

"Oh," he scratched his ear, "Well, what do you like to do?"

After a while, Andromeda opened back up but James noticed when her arms appeared from under the table again, they were red from her scratching the paint from her pale skin. James had lived with Remus long enough to notice when someone was trying to hide something. Andromeda's reaction with the paint made James wonder what she was hiding.

She left only a little while after the house elves cleared the table. She asked James if they could possibly meet again at a tree-lighting ceremony in Diagon Alley the day after next. James agreed and she looked happy that he had not turned her down.

Aunt Dory seemed pleased with James' performance around Andromeda and even offered him extra cake at dessert that night. James still wasn't so convinced that he could just willingly give up the choice of falling in love with someone. James wanted independence but he couldn't, at the same time, figure out how to gain his independence. Maybe if he took his time with Andromeda, he'd grow to love her. She seemed sweet enough.

At the same time, when he passed the trashcan in his room that night, Lily's name was facing up at him on the mug, reminding him of the small redhead and her radiant smile. Was it bad he wanted to see her again? Was it bad he wanted to know her more? His head spun just thinking about the fact that even after he's turned her down she'd paid for a hot chocolate and given it to him. She was so kind and generous and James wanted to do right by the pretty redhead.

Sirius might have a point, James could do worse considering Andromeda didn't seem anything like her insane sisters, but James couldn't help but wishing that Lily Evans was a pureblood so he could be engaged to her instead.

* * *

_**Review? **_


	2. Dreams

**Chapter 2: **

**Now here you go again  
You say you want your freedom  
Well who am I to keep you down  
It's only right that you should  
Play the way you feel it**

Friday nights were the best nights, in James' opinion. Aunt Dory always had tea with some old coot down the street and left the house to James for a few solid hours. This obviously meant that his mates could come over and they could talk about whatever the hell they wanted without his Aunt getting in the way. Currently all of James' mates were piled together in the kitchen where the two Potter house elves (sworn to secrecy on any topic spoken in the kitchen) were making the four boys a feast fit for kings.

Sirius, practically a member of James' household anyways, was content and sucking on a sugar quill. He was wearing an old traveling cloak and his white button down shirt was from his Hogwarts uniform. Sirius also had a helmet beside him, nodding to the fact that he'd rode is favorite motorbike to James' flat. Aunt Dory hated the machine so he could only drive it on nights Aunt Dory was missing from the household.

Remus Lupin was wearing his Hogwarts robes instead of a different set of robes. This was an often sight for Remus as he could hardly afford the hair on his head. His mum and dad had tried their best, James was sure, but raising a lycanthropic had taken a toll on them and their status in the community. Remus swore as soon as he got out of Hogwarts he'd leave them for good, he hated being a burden on them. James felt bad for Remus and hoped that one day there would be a cure for werewolves so his mate would be able to live a normal life. Remus certainly looked normal with light bronzed hair and soft, kind eyes. Hell, no one could even tell Remus had a problem; he tried so hard to hide it.

Peter Pettigrew was beside Remus, sucking on a jawbreaker and brushing down his pants after Sirius threw crumbs at him for an off the wall comment. Peter made another snide comment, and then his face pulled into a laugh, making the dimples appear on his face. He looked so much younger than the rest of the four boys in the room since he was so small and rotund that sometimes Professors at school thought he was a fifth year. Sirius never lost the chance to take the mickey out on Peter for being such a small kid either.

"You don't even know what you're talking about." Peter mocked Remus who in turn went red with anger, "Puddlemere can't afford to lose another match!"

"And you think the Wasps are going to magically improve by playoffs?" Remus scoffed at Peter, "You're thick." Sirus and Remus high fived and Peter made a wounded face.

James laughed at his friends arguing over the quidditch results from the game played in South France today. He loved spending time with them because he didn't have to worry about anything like marriage and graduating into the pureblood world his parents had tried their hardest to keep him from. At least that's what James liked to imagine. James ripped the top of another firewhisky and poured the strong drink down his throat.

"James?"

James lowered his eyes so he could look directly at the speaker; it was Peter, looking a bit sheepish. Remus was also gazing his way and looked concerned.

"Are you alright? You've been awfully quiet."

Trust Peter to notice something was off. James hadn't told Remus or Peter what had happened with Andromeda. James sighed and rolled his arms back, being careful to not spill his drink as he stretched.

"Fine, Pete." James lied, "I'm fine."

James didn't quite catch Sirius' gaze when he stood up and announced they should go play a round of exploding snap upstairs before Aunt Dory returned from her teatime. James normally told his mates everything but this time around he knew that Remus and Peter wouldn't understand the way that Sirius did. Remus was a werewolf and probably didn't have much a chance at a healthy future. Peter was halfblood and could marry whoever he liked. Both Remus and Peter weren't expected by half the wizarding world to follow in their parents footsteps…

James was.

The game of exploding snap continued on until about ten when Peter announced he had to head home before his mum had a heart attack. Remus followed soon after, stating how tired he was. When Aunt Dory returned at half past, James and Sirius listened to Aunt Dory prattle on about every little tidbit of information she learned at teatime. The Weasley Family was expecting another son, much to the dismay of the wife because she wanted a girl and she had more sons than she knew what to do with. The Bones' pureblood line had been labeled as sympathizers and Aunt Dory sent James a special glance at that news. Mrs. Potter's maiden name had been Bones. Sirius wasn't pleased to hear that his brother Regulus had joined the Death Eaters and wasn't returning to Hogwarts next term.

"Bloody good I got out." Sirius said dejectedly.

"Now I'm marrying in." James muttered back.

Aunt Dory shook her finger at both boys leaning up against the counter, "I don't want to hear a single complaint from either of you boys."

"I'm a whole hell of a lot safer running from that mess of a family than staying in it." Sirius boasted, "My parents were about to brainwash me into joining the bloody Death Eaters."

Aunt Dory pointed to the door angrily, "and now instead of being a Death Eater, you are a traitor and your mother wants you buried in the ground."

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter told me to leave." Sirius answered back snottily, "They knew I wasn't safe with my family..."

"Are you safe anywhere?" Aunt Dory slapped the paper with the news, headlines that stuck out to James made it certainly seem like Sirius would be fine.

Sirius didn't answer Aunt Dory and he sniffed, unable to answer. Was Sirius safer being labeled as a traitor? Or would the pureblood mania even reach him in his state of neutrality? Sirius might've been a traitor but James heard rumors that The Dark Lord wanted blood as pure as Sirius' and would do anything to not spill magical blood. Perhaps James wouldn't be as safe as Sirius since his parents sympathized with the muggle world—especially his mum. James' dad had stuck close to the old ways but James' mum had always said you couldn't judge a muggle by their magic.

"My mum might want me dead," Sirius finally said, "but at least no one in the Death Eaters knows me by name and associates me with that bloody mess of a family..."

"James," Aunt Dory looked at her nephew and ignored Sirius, "Are you meeting Andromeda at the lighting ceremony tomorrow?"

James grunted his 'yes' but made eye contact with Sirius expressing his displeasure. Sirius was scratching at the counter, obviously still stuck on Aunt Dory and her words.

Aunt Dory clucked her tongue at James evident disregard of respect for his elders, "Well, I certainly hope you don't act like that around her tomorrow."

James looked at his Aunt now; her tone suggested something, _something dark_. Sirius had even looked over at Aunt Dory, eyes softened. Aunt Dory slid the newspaper across the counter and stood up straight before she told them what she had found out.

"Andromeda is a direct link to You-Know-Who." Aunt Dory raised her eyebrows at James, "Her sister, Bellatrix Lestrange, is in his inner circle."

James looked worried at Sirius before flicking his gaze back to his Aunt, "I want nothing to do with _Him_." James said furiously, "Aunt Dory, my parents wanted to keep me out of the war. Not stick me in the middle of it."

Aunt Dory held onto the doorframe when she peered around at James, "The world your parents left you in isn't the same anymore James. You can't stay out of the war that's coming. No one can."

James was determined to try. He didn't want to have to pick sides and risk hurting anyone he cared about...

"Andromeda isn't like Bellatrix though," Sirius spoke up, "I've known Andy and Bella for years. They are _complete_ opposites."

"You don't think Andromeda hasn't been told to report everything she finds out about James to Bellatrix?" Aunt Dory shook her head aghast, "Bellatrix knows the type of people The Dark Lord is looking for and whether he likes it or not, James is top of the list. I'm going to bed. Don't stay too late Sirius."

James pursed his lips as he and Sirius walked to the front stoop. They walked out the front door like they did every night to talk. Normally the subjects weren't as depressing and foreboding. Sirius took his place by the first stair and James watched him warily.

"Padfoot," James used Sirius' nickname sensitively, "Do you think my parents would _want_ me to marry Andromeda?" James asked Sirius sincerely.

Sirius looked a bit intimidating in the dark. His long black hair hung around his face, making his cheekbones appear more sunken in. Sirius shook his head gradually.

"Your parents wanted you safe mate, but I don't think they'd want _this_. Your mum hated my family. There has to be another way to stay outta the war without making yourself…like me."

Sirius and James exchanged a glance. There was no way Aunt Dory would ever allow James to even think about running away from all this. James could imagine the ninety-year-old woman chasing him around the world to marry Andromeda. James had a feeling that not even Sirius would convince James of running. They were Gryffindors and James was determined to be a true Gryffindor and brave the storm.

Wars didn't last forever.

James sighed and leaned against the door of the flat. Sirius came to lean next to him, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with a muggle lighter. James thinks he started the habit to annoy his family but now he did it for the sake of it. Sirius blew out a cloud of smoke and James watched the smoke curl and wave through the air like a cloud.

"At the same time, I can't think of a safer way for you and Andomeda to stay out of the war." Sirius whispered, "If you two do marry, then Andromeda doesn't have to deal with her father and you are considered partial to the purist ways by marrying a Black."

James was silent, watching the smoke from Sirius' cigarette like it held all the answers. Everything felt wrong, everything: Andromeda, the war and the purist intolerance.

"Do you think I could do what you did?" James looked at Sirius, biting his lip thoughtfully.

Sirius clapped him on the back, almost reassuring, wordlessly hoping that everything would work out.

"Nah mate," he whispered back, "I don't think you should do what I did. My family wants my head on a silver platter and if you renounce the old ways they'll be out for your blood too. At the same time, these bastards shouldn't control our lives." Sirius got that gleam of defiance in his eyes, "So really, I don't care what you do, as long as I can be by your side the whole way."

James smiled at Sirius, _there for the thick and thin_, pushing him away from the wall playfully.

"Don't get soft with me, you ninny." James teased Sirius.

Sirius snorted and threw his cigarette to the ground in protest, stomping it out before going to wrestle James to the floor like they were still boys with not a care in the world.

**~~~there will be no future if we can't learn from our mistakes~~~**

James made his way to Diagon Alley the next afternoon to meet Andromeda for the Festival of Lights. Aunt Dory had dressed him in his Sunday best, just like his mum would've done. Sirius scoffed and put on his black leather muggle jacket he had won in a pub over the summer only to contrast to James like a horse next to a hippogriff. Sirius was coming along just for fun and because he claimed that he wanted to make sure James didn't mess anything up. James wasn't so sure about spending long amounts of time alone with Andromeda. James felt like the brunette was not very interested in any romantic feelings with him what-so-ever anyways.

Aunt Dory was quick to remind James that Andromeda was probably going to expect a lot from James and to be on his best behavior. She also hinted that there would be purebloods around them, watching, _waiting_. James wasn't so sure what was so interesting about Andromeda being with him but the purebloods were raving on about it.

Sirius and James walked down the main path of Diagon Alley to the middle courtyard where the Christmas Festival was going to happen. Originally he was seeing if he could spot Andromeda in the crowd but his gaze flickered upon a different woman. She was wearing a thick muggle jumper that had reindeer etched across the front. James hadn't thought he'd see her twice in one week but at the first sight of that gorgeous red hair James perked up and looked ahead. Lily was sitting at the same café she had bought the hot chocolate for James at but she wasn't alone. A man was standing over her, too close for comfort, prodding the paper she was holding. James was too far away to see the paper but he could hear voices carrying.

"You readin' the muggle paper?" the man derided Lily, "This ain't your little café to read that trash!"

James was no stranger to bullies, as Head Boy he spent most of his time dealing with idiots like the one taunting Lily. Fucking trouble, the lot of the wizards and witches who thought they needed to embarrass and torment wizards or witches deemed less than infallible. James passed a sideways glance at Sirius who had spent most of his life chasing after wizards like this one. Sirius and James often got detention for their retaliation against idiots like this man, but to them it was worth it.

James pulled his wand from his pocket, pointing it through the crowds moving past. James saw Lily's face and realized she was ignoring the man, staring intently at the pages of her paper. He'd seen Lily act this way many a time but he didn't fancy when she finally got fed up. James had been on the other end of Lily Evans' wand and he certainly didn't envy any man in her path when she was angry. This wizard didn't seem threatened though, after-all, Lily was muggle born…what harm could she do?

The man was causing a scene and Sirius had glanced sideways at James with worry.

"Don't do anything stupid." Sirius hissed at James, "Evans can take care of herself."

James knew full on well that Lily was capable of taking care of herself but he couldn't help but notice that a faint blush was appearing on her cheeks. He wished he wasn't behind her so that he could see her complete expression. James noticed one of her hands departing the paper, heading for her back pocket where her wand was hidden.

Lily might be able to handle herself but James certainly didn't want her to feel like she was alone. He took a step forward. James felt Sirius grab a hold of his arm as soon as he tried to go see what was wrong. Lily calmly said something to the man and he snorted and pushed her slightly.

The push set James off, and in two seconds flat he had his wand pointed at the arse. Sirius jumped forward too, his own wand pointed, but James had the advantage as there was no one blocking the spell path to the idiot messing with Lily.

"_Diffindo_." James said lazily, the old spell rolling off his tongue.

The man's trousers fell to the ground, and he was completely stark naked from the waist down.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "amateur." He shot at James, waving his wand through an open spot in the crowd, "That's _so_ bloody fifth year."

James ignored Sirius' blast at his wand work and quickly decided that he had to go step in. The man was looking ready to murder. The man was shouting, reaching forward to wrap his hands around Lily's pale neck. Lily shot into a stand and back way, wand held high. Lily's eyes reflected surprise and she quickly looked around, knowing she hadn't cast the spell.

The man tried stepping forward but had trouble due to his ripped trousers at his feet. Onlookers erupted into laughter and James smirked as the man struggled to pull his pants back up his pale legs. Sirius muttered something about James getting all the fun and flicking his own wand, pointing it at the offended man who was calling Lily all sorts of racial slurs.

James started stepping forward but Sirius didn't let him get that far.

"_Glacialis_." Sirius hissed, and the man James was ready to hit with a punch to the jaw stopped struggling. He couldn't move because his feet were frozen to the ground.

"Nice freezing charm." James grinned sideways at Sirius, expecting him to grin back like they were still at Hogwarts, dealing with a misbehaving Slytherin.

Sirius didn't smile though; he pulled at James' arm to remove them from being anywhere near Lily. James wanted to hold back and make sure she was left alone once Sirius' freezing charm undid itself. Lily was gazing around, trying to figure out who had helped her, but she probably couldn't recognize James in his best clothes and Sirius was dragging them in the opposite direction from her.

"Wait, let's go talk to her!" James argued, "We need to make sure he doesn't mess with her again!"

Sirius kept a firm grip on his best mates robes, "Oh no, you have a date with my cousin. _Not_ Lily Evans."

James dug his heels into the ground and frowned at Sirius, "Andromeda doesn't expect either of us for another fifteen minutes."

Sirius shook his head, "No. Evans can take care of herself. We did enough."

"I just want to make sure she doesn't get harassed again." James explained, "Come on Padfoot, it'll take five seconds. Andromeda won't mind."

"Let's go." Sirius answered like a dad forcing his kid to go to the dress robes store, "you'd better hope no one saw that it was _you_ that helped a muggleborn. Honestly, talk about making it easy to be labeled."

"You said you didn't care what I did!" James whisper-shouted at Sirius.

The man in question snorted, "That's because I didn't think you'd be _this_ stupid. Did you ever think what would happen if you were spotted gallivanting around Diagon Alley with Evans? Not only would you be marked as a sympathizer, Andromeda would be punished by her insane family for not wooing you over with a bloody cruciatus curse, and Evans would probably be targeted by Death Eaters!"

"I am a sympathizer!" James hissed, pointing over to where Lily was probably now sitting alone at the café table, sipping her tea, "She just got bloody harassed for reading the muggle paper for fucks sake, _Sirius_, she got hassled just because she's a little different."

James tried to get a good look back at the woman in question. The man who had harassed her was still frozen in front of the table, but it appeared Lily didn't mind. She was collecting her things from what he could tell. He hoped she'd leave, or come hang out with them. James wondered where her mates were. James noticed she had a slight curve of a grin to her mouth and he suddenly wished desperately to know what she was thinking.

Sirius pushed James a bit, shaking his shoulders, "Wake up and smell the pumpkin juice you idiot," Sirius looked pissed, "Getting involved with that—any of it—is like walking on thin ice. Eventually, the ice breaks and you aren't safe anymore."

"Since when have you ever played safe?"

Sirius, who was now dragging him away from Lily by the hand like a child, ignored James' words. James rolled his eyes and sighed as Sirius continued dragging them both to the center square. Trees were lining the square, with a giant tree in the middle that reached to the sky like a skyscraper. Ministry officials were around, likely looking for suspicious persons. The fact that they had to have members of Magical Law Enforcement on site at a festival reminded James just how serious the war was getting to be. One particularly nasty looking Ministry official sneered at James and Sirius as they passed.

"Arse," Sirius mouthed to James.

James ignored Sirius; still perturbed that Sirius hadn't let him check on Lily. Andromeda waved both boys over to where she sat eating a pastry. James noticed that she wore her hair up and pulled far back from her face but her robes were less simple and adorned with little swirls of gold and silver. Around her neck was a necklace that was made of silver and held the black family crest. She pulled at it like it bothered her and didn't belong.

"You look great." James commented when they got close enough.

Andromeda smiled half-heartedly and stood up from her seat, going to hug Sirius and then James. James patted her back awkwardly when she hugged him. He wasn't comfortable around her yet to hug her fully. Andromeda placed her gaze on Sirius who grinned wickedly.

"You look uglier every time that I see you." Sirius laughed at Andromeda's stern face, "It's a _joke_ Andy."

Andromeda let a smirk lift her stone cold features, "I've missed you at dinners Sunday nights Sirius…is it true your old mum blasted you off the tree? Shame." her eyes glinted with superiority as she played along with Sirius' teasing.

Sirius shrugged and said with a biting tone, "We all knew it was coming eventually."

Andromeda stopped playing and looked miserable now, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder, "Well, it's certainly nice seeing you. Sunday dinners are a bit more agonizing without you around to cheer up the room."

Sirius shrugged her off and pushed her towards James, "Take James to dinner, he'll certainly cheer up the mood. Loves a good laugh, my mate."

James opened his mouth to protest but Andromeda looked at him with curiosity. Her dark eyes were shadowed as she looked him up and down. James certainly hoped she didn't invite him. He didn't think he could stand being around Sirius' family for too long. They all knew James was close with Sirius which Aunt Dory swore wasn't good considering Sirius was cut off from the Black family for his obvious distaste of the pureblood ways. James thought that it was interesting that Aunt Dory didn't like James hanging out with Sirius since she couldn't even throw Sirius to the wolves considering he was family after-all. Andromeda turned away completely from Sirius to look at James full on. Her lips were pulled into a smile that created dimples on her cheeks.

"Would you like to come to dinner?" she asked him.

James could almost see Sirius behind her, shaking his head up and down. James couldn't help but smile at Sirius' antics before looking at Andromeda, "If you'd like me to come." He answered robotically.

She smiled, but this time it seemed forced. Maybe she had been hoping he'd say no? James was getting a little frustrated with her attitude. James glanced partially at Sirius but he seemed focused on something behind James. James tilted his head in question but Sirius was looking a little concerned directly behind them. Without saying anything he walked away from their small party, arms open like he was greeting Remus or Peter. Alarmed, James turned, his eyes following Sirius to a batch of very familiar red hair. James watched as Sirius put his arms around a very confused Lily Evans.

He began talking to her, in her ear. Lily had her arms around his shoulders but her green eyes were trained on James. James felt like those eyes were asking him to come over and save her from Sirius. He'd seen that look a couple of times when Lily was in an uncomfortable situation and wanted rescuing. Sirius pulled back from her hug and left his hands on her shoulders, blocking her view of James and Andromeda.

"Who is that?" he heard Andromeda say behind him.

"Lily Evans. She goes to school with us."

Instead of commenting on Lily's obvious lack of a pureblood name, Andromeda eyed Sirius' company with good measure. Her lips were curved in interest and her eyes glinted with intrigue when Lily glanced behind Sirius and sent James a small wave. James felt himself waving back. Andromeda brushed her bangs into her pulled back hair.

"Are you going to introduce us?" Andromeda asked.

James looked at her in shock. From what he could gather, this woman was from the Black family and the Black family didn't introduce themselves to anyone _not_ from pureblood. Sirius had been doing James a favor by going to engage Lily in conversation. Aunt Dory had warned James that Andromeda could be spying for her Death Eater sister. James decided to fake his disinterest in the redhead.

"No, we're not really friends." James lied, "Just Head Boy to her Head Girl."

Andromeda blinked owlishly, "Sirius seems pretty comfortable around her."

James gestured for Andromeda to follow him around the trees with only one glance back at Sirius and Lily. The sun was going down and witches and wizards were piling into the square. James had never seen so many children in one area and they were all carrying their ornaments to decorate the largest tree in the square once the lights were turned on. James spotted friends from school and they all waved hello while staring at his companion with interest. Andromeda walked alongside him, her head bent as they walked along. James stopped at the other side of the square and he and Andromeda waited in silence. Slowly, the trees around them started lighting up. It was a gorgeous show of magic, gold and silver stars appearing around them on the trees. James stood, frozen, beside Andromeda. As the light shone around him, he glanced over at the woman he was supposed to marry.

She was watching the lights turn on but she seemed worlds away. Her eyes were blank as the lights lit up the world around them. James wondered how hard this was for her, to come back from America after being gone six years. She came back; only to find out she was still expected to marry a boy much younger than her. James felt childish around her too and he didn't know what to say.

He wished he could see Sirius; no doubt he was busy keeping Lily at bay. Andromeda couldn't connect James to the pretty red head or she might say something to her family. James blinked in surprise as the middle tree seemed to burst into flames before their very eyes, cracking and sparking. Bells started ringing and people were cheering as the largest tree lit up with thousands of twinkling lights of all different colors. Sparklers appeared off the tree, giving it a fiery effect and kids of all sizes were rushing to the tree, placing their ornaments on the boughs as per tradition. James could remember when he used to place ornaments on the trees as a kid before Hogwarts. He glanced at Andromeda; she was watching a girl in pigtails hang a gingerbread ornament on the tree, laughing with another girl with pigtails; they were clearly twins.

Andromeda dropped her gaze and stared at the cobblestoned street, clasping her hands. James wished she would open up more but it seemed like the more time he spent with the black haired woman, the more time she was able to close up into her shell. What was she so afraid of? James wished she wouldn't act so,_ so scared._

"I used to love coming to watch the lights." James whispered, leaning closer to Andromeda.

She turned to look at him, a small smile on her face. James realized that she felt as unsure about all this as he did. Cautiously, he began to reach out for her hand. Andromeda saw his weight shift and brought her arms up, feigning being cold.

"Has it gotten colder?" she declared softly, "Honestly, sorry for dragging you out here."

James' stomach dropped at her obvious walls thrown up, "I can take you home."

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She sighed and pulled at her long ponytail, "I'm sorry." She repeated, "Sirius said you loved coming here with your parents." She chuckled sardonically.

"What?" James urged, trying to get her to open up, even a little.

"I had to ask my _baby cousin_ what to do with the man I'm supposed to marry. Isn't that odd?" she directly stood in front of James now, they were matched for height almost and James wasn't used to it. James wasn't used to a woman acting like this around him...

James let an eyebrow raise in interest at her defiance, "So you don't want to marry me? You think this is crazy too?"

It was then, that Andromeda seemed to remember her place. She looked depressed and her shoulders dropped, "I'm not so sure I know what you mean." she paused, glanced around, lowering her voice, "You shouldn't say things like that." She narrowed her eyes, "I think you are sweet and if my family thinks we'd make a good match...I trust their judgement." she had her nose haughtily in the air now but the determination didn't reach her eyes.

She thought he was _sweet_, like he was five years old. Granted, James was a few years under the witch, but he wasn't a child. James hated being treated like a child. Now he knew how Peter felt when Sirius treated him like a first year all the time. Andromeda pulled her cloak tighter around her frame, looking around at the thinning crowd. James didn't like the way she obviously had an opinion but wasn't willing to share it. If they were to be anything more than this, he had to know more about her but it was like Andromeda was trying to hide something.

The couple wordlessly started to make their way around to look at all the christmas trees. Most of them were themed after whoever sponsored the tree and some of the trees looked absolutely absurd. James was particularly fond of the gold and maroon tree that reflected Godric Grydffindor, one of the founders of Hogwarts which is where James goes to school. Andromeda seemed to like the largest tree in the middle of the square the most because she kept glancing back at it as they walked around.

James certainly thought the large tree was mesmerizing but he had a special place in his heart for anything Gryffindor. His whole family had been in Gryffindor for as long as the Potter family history was written and James was proud of that fact. The Gryffindor tree was covered in gold tinsel and maroon, the theme colors of the Gryffindor family. James' faovrite part of the tree were the ornaments that held the names of every student ever placed in Gryffindor. James was sure his name had to be someplace on the tree and he led Andromeda closer to it, explaining.

"Maybe we can find my name."

Andromeda pulled against his grasp, "Uhm," she said with a tone of inevitability.

James ruffled his hair uncomfortably with his free hand before looking back into her dark eyes, "What?" He felt like a puppet on strings, bowing and bending to the puppeteers.

Against the colors of the christmas lights she looked younger than she normally did. James let go of her hand and fixed his glasses which were falling down the bridge of his nose. Andromeda looked sorry but she also appeared worried and James wondered what she could be worried about. They were at the festival to try and have a good time and to get to know each other.

"I'm sorry but I should be going. I have work in the morning." She pulled out a wand, long and willowy. She used her wand to push the strands of hair falling into her face. She glanced back at the large tree again and James realized she hadn't been looking at the tree all night, but the clock tower behind it. His stomach dropped.

"Oh, of course," James felt like she wasn't even trying but he couldn't risk losing his temper around her because she might tell her family.

Her cheeks were pink but from the cold or embarrassment James couldn't tell. She didn't show any signs to James that she was even interested in this arrangement continuing. Her face seemed to be set into a permanent frown.

"I can take you back home," James offered, pulling out his own wand, wrapping his hand around the curved handle.

"Oh, no," she shook her head, "It's fine. I'll be alright." She waved slightly awkwardly at him before walking off into the crowds.

James tried to ask her when she wanted to meet again but she was gone, pushing her way through the crowd. It was obvious she was just as unsure about this whole arrangement as James. James was slightly chagrined that Andromeda wasn't trying though. They were probably going to have to get married one day and he didn't know if he could live with someone so confusing.

James pushed his wand back into his pocket and turned to look back at the Gryffindor tree. At closer inspection it appeared that the ornaments were charmed so that the gold writing was being replaced every minute or so with new names of Gryffindor students. Maybe Andromeda didn't like him because she was a Slytherin and he was a Gryffindor and they were sworn enemies, the houses were. Maybe she didn't like him because she thought he was boring even though this entire trip had been her idea. James twirled an ornament in his hand thoughtfully.

"Prongs." Sirius' voice came from behind him, "I've been looking all over for you."

James blew out his remaining air before turning dramatically to Sirius, "I can't do this."

Sirius looked alarmed, "Where's Andy?" he was looking for the appearance of his cousin.

"She left." James answered sourly, "I guess she's above hanging out with Gryffindors."

Sirius's flash of alarm disappeared and was replaced with confidence. Sirius slung an arm around James' shoulders, guiding him back up the Main Street and away from the glittering christmas trees.

"Look, this isn't going to be easy, Andy's used to being told what to do and where to go and who to see. Not to mention she's still in huge trouble for hanging out with that muggleborn—"

"Muggleborn?" James looked over at his mate in surprise, "What?"

Sirius snorted, "I can't believe you hadn't heard from your Aunt. Andromeda got caught snogging a muggleborn Gryffindor when she went to Hogwarts. Her dad threatened to disown her and everything." Sirius said this almost gleefully, like he was happy someone else in the family was being threatened. "My own mum wanted to wipe her off the family tree but Andy swore she didn't mean anything by it and she's been the perfect daughter since then..._well_...except for about a week ago when she got caught talking to a muggleborn again." Sirius snorted, "Can't imagine what the family would do if they found out what _I've_ done with muggleborns." He raised his eyebrows suggestively at James for a laugh but James disregarded him.

James blinked against the cold furiously, trying to process this new information about his eventual wife-to-be. Andromeda had gotten in trouble for being around muggleborns but she swore she didn't mean anything by it. James wondered if Andromeda really meant she didn't like muggleborns. If Andromeda could possibly sympathize with muggeborns then _maybe_ James and Andromeda had more in common than James originally thought.

Sirius removed his arm from around James' shoulders and nodded to the café as they passed it.

"Speaking of muggleborns, Evans was thrilled to see me."

"Was she?" James hissed bitterly now thinking about the pretty redhead getting harassed at the café.

Snow started falling around them and James' awareness that it was getting colder made him pull out his wand and cast a heating charm on his body so the cold wouldn't bother him. He noted that Sirius did the same while he nodded at a pretty blonde girl eyeing them both as they walked past her. She seemed mostly interested in Sirius but her eyes fluttered to James once or twice as they walked past her. Sirius sent the girl a wink and she giggled, turning to her friend beside her. James rolled his eyes at Sirius' clowning around.

"What did Lily want?"

Sirius snickered, "She knew we were the ones who got that guy."

James strolled leisurely along their chosen path, "How?"

Sirius inspected his wand, rubbing at the fingerprints on the handle, "Eh, something about habits, I lost interest when she explained how she knew."

"Liar." James accused Sirius who grinned and winked at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow mate?" Sirius asked as he turned to go to the section of Diagon Alley that was closest to his flat, "Peter is stopping by before he heads on Holiday with his mum."

"Yeah, maybe." James answered, waving haphazardly at Sirius who spun on the spot and dissaperated.

James split from Sirius at the Diagon Alley entrance, heading back to Aunt Dory's flat alone. He walked into The Leaky Cauldron, wanting to grab a quick drink before heading back; Aunt Dory refused to let James drink in the house because she felt he was too young. James scoffed at that, considering he'd been drinking since he was fifteen. The bartender gave him a firewhiskey and James passed him a sickle and a knut, figuring he'd better not set up a tab.

James sat back in his barstool and looked around, taking in the figures of witches, wizards, and other various magical lifeforms. Two goblins sat in the back of the pub, haggling over a tiara. A pair of hags were eyeing James from the farthest section of the room. James swore that the pale haired woman sitting two seats away from his seat at the bar was part veela. James drank his drink slowly, in no hurry to get home to the nagging Aunt Dory who would want to know all about his date with Andy. James would rather not have to exsplain that Andromeda appeared less than enthusiastic at the arrangment.

Although, _maybe_ that could work in his favor. Maybe if he told Aunt Dory that Andromeda wanted nothing to do with him—but then Sirius said Andromeda would get in trouble and he didn't want that.

"Potter, in the flesh and bone." the voice made chills race up James' spine.

James turned, placing down his drink and staring into the eyes of a plump dark haired wizard. James was vaguely reminded of a bulldog that Aunt Dory had once owned. James hated that dog as a kid because the dogs eyes had been so beady and the dog never stopped growling. James was getting the same impression from this stout man. James stuck out his hand warily.

"Who are you?" James studied the way the man wheezed even though he was standing in one spot, not moving.

"Alexander Burke." The man shook James' outstretched hand, "I work for the Magical Law Enforcement team."

Burke was a pureblood name and recognition fluttered across James' expression for two seconds. James had learned enough from his mum in lessons as a kid to know Burke happened to be one of the darker wizarding families. James' mum had been dead set on marrying a Burke too but then she met James' dad and they fell in love. He'd heard the story many times and knew that the Potters and the Burkes were not on friendly terms any longer.

"Pleasure." James lied through his teeth.

Burke either didn't catch James' strained voice or he didn't care because he continued, "I spotted you with Andromeda Black."

Then it hit James that Burke was trying to get James to admit something that would ruin the alliance. James blinked slowly, trying to figure out what this man wanted exactly. _Burke. Alexander Burke._ James was vaguely familiar with the name. The woman, the veela, sat very still at her spot and watching both men with an interested expression. James thought he saw the pretty girl wink at him. James tore his gaze from the pretty woman and looked back at the stout man.

"We were watching the lights." James answered stupidly.

Burke grinned, "How romantic. Tell me, are you two betrothed?" James' silence seemed to please him, "Well," he continued, "If you are in need of a job after Hogwarts to support your growing family..."

James wanted nothing more than to dispute the claim that he and Andromeda were going to be married and having kids as soon as Hogwarts let out.

_Burke_.

It hit James like an oncoming dragon. He knew a Burke at school. The kid was a year younger than James and absolutely idiotic. James would bet his entire fortune that Burke at school was Alexander Burke's son. _This_ Burke sniffed, going on about how great it would be for two pureblood families to unite after such tension in the world. Burke was examining James' expression and James tried hard to keep his face passive. James knew he couldn't let Burke see any emotion because he knew that Burke would love nothing more than the Black and Potter alignment to fall apart. James knew that Burke probably had a son who needed to marry another pureblood to marry. Andromeda was like a market item and James was the one who had her on reserve. It disgusted James to know that if Andromeda didn't marry him, she'd be pawned off to another pureblood family.

"If you don't mind," James cut off impolitely, "I must be going."

James left Burke standing there with a snide grin. He made his way back to Aunt Dory's flat with a fire in his veins. James understood now that this stupid pureblood alliance went farther than Andromeda marrying James to keep the Potter line going. This was based on the fact that the pureblood lines were drying out. Andromeda was the last Black free for marriage and James couldn't think of another pureblood in the purist group that was a female. If James didn't marry Andromeda she was going to be offered to the next best bidder.

James trudged through the snow into the warn house where he found his Aunt curled up in the couch under a warm blanket reading. She peered at him over her large bifocals. Her white haired was tied in a bun on top of her head and her pointed face was unimpressed.

"It's past eleven." She commented dryly, "I got an owl from Druella saying Andromeda arrived home an hour or so ago."

James groaned and walked into the sitting room, falling to the floor and mumbling into the carpet, "I was with Sirius."

James kicked off his shoes and peered up at his Aunt who was clucking her tongue. "As if that makes me feel better." she responded, "He's worse than anyone."

"And yet you still let him into your house." James rolled over onto his back so he could see his Aunt clearly.

She shook her wrinkled finger at him impatiently, "He's my nephew, just as much as you are." she smiled secretly, "And what his mother doesn't know won't hurt her." Aunt Dory winked at James, reminding him that his Aunt wasn't as old-fashioned as the others in the family. Aunt Dory could be rejected from the Black family if it was found out she often hosted to Sirius who was considered a traitor.

James yawned and stretched against the floor, "Andromeda doesn't seem interested in me by the way, so I'd say we have about twenty four hours to decide who else I can marry."

Aunt Dory stood up, sliding into her slippers slowly. James scratched his scalp, wishing he had better news for his Aunt. She pulled on the outer portion of her dressing gown. She kicked him carefully as she walked by to the door to the hallway.

"Next time, owl me if you are going to be late." she warned him, ignoring his other comment.

James sat up, eyes wide as she walked past him, "Merlin. Aunt Dory, I'm seventeen" he moaned, "and when I was fifteen, mum and dad never cared how long I stayed out."

"I haven't survived two wars and lived this long because I stayed out late talking to suspected Death Eaters and drinking away my sorrows when I was seventeen." came her response as she disappeared into the hallway to go to her bedroom, "Goodnight James."

James flicked a piece of lint on his pants moodily, figuring that the way his Aunt was going, she'd probably outlive James.

* * *

**Next Time:**

"Why did you buy me that hot chocolate?" he demanded.

"I thought you looked like you needed something to smile about." she answered, putting a hand on her hip.

James peered down at Lily and she gazed up at him with just as much intensity. James should've turned around then and there. James should've thanked her and walked away but instead he watched that smirk flicker across her face again and he knew he was doomed. She was like quicksand, pulling him in.


	3. Quicksand

**Chapter 3: **

**I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back  
The less I give the more I get back  
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise  
I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you**

"Peter says he'll be back Sunday night, do you lot want to go to the pub?" Remus asked, "My parents went on holiday to France since dad had to be there for work and well, I hate being in that house alone."

"i've got two free drinks at Westliner Pub." Sirius offered.

James glanced back at Remus as he tied a scarf around his neck to go out into the cold. James wished he could spend Sunday drinking with his friends but Sunday night he had dinner with the Black family. Sirius sniffed, James was sure it was a reaction to the mentioning of Sunday. James and he had just discussed Andromeda and her family. James pretended to be really interested in buttoning up his cloak, refusing to look Remus in the eyes.

"I can't." James lied, "I've got a healers appointment with Dory."

Sirius glanced at James with a frown; Sirius wanted James to tell Remus and Peter about the family alliance happening between the Potters and Blacks. James didn't feel comfortable talking about it at all. Especially since he wasn't even so sure that it was going to happen. Oh, Aunt Dory was determined to make it happen, but Andromeda's attitude at the festival had turned James completely off the plan. Remus must've noticed the look James and Sirius exchanged because he tried to start asking what was up when James quickly changed the topic of conversation.

"I still don't know what I'm going to get Pete for Christmas." James complained to Sirius as they pulled on their scarves and hats to go play a quick game of quidditch at the local field.

"He does like those new sugar quills at the candy shop." Remus suggested as he double layered his robes with one of James' old traveling cloaks, "I got him a new map of old England. Figured he'd like that."

"Maps." James scoffed, "Maps are boring."

"Really?" Sirius teased, opening the front door to Aunt Dory's flat, a blast of cold air hitting all the boys like a wall.

"Besides our map." James rolled his eyes, shivering as the first blast of cold air hit him.

Sirius was implementing that one map wasn't boring and James knew Sirius was talking about the map James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter had made starting back in fourth year. It was a map of Hogwarts, the school the boys went too, that showed anyone in the castle wherever they were. James and his friends had spent years getting that map to work, building it from the ground up. It was magically enhanced so that only those wanting to use the map for good intentions were allowed to access the map.

All of the boys had somehow contributed to the parchment. Remus had placed plenty if his own protection spells on it. Sirius had figured out how to track people based on their coordinates in the castle. Peter knew how magical maps worked and how to create them using magical ink. James was the one who drew everything in the magic ink, down to the tiny footprints labeled by name.

"Yeah, too bad Filch nicked it." Remus muttered angrily, he was still tense on the things that surrounded the magical map to go missing.

James tried to clear the air quickly, "It's not like we need it anymore anyways." James grabbed his broomstick leaning against the wall, slinging it over his shoulder, "Come on. Quidditch!"

All three boys entered the outside world which resembled a winter wonderland. Snow covered the trees and houses. It glittered on the streets as children ran past with sleds or broomsticks. Everyone was heading to the local pitch to watch or play the game that James had been playing since he was a toddler. As soon as Barnaby Smith had sent an owl about a impromptu quidditch match at Shakleburry Field and James had sent out owls to his mates. Almost fifteen minutes later Remus and Sirius had appeared at Aunt Dory's flat to go watch.

Sirius had told James that since Andromeda and him were still so on the fence about the alliance he didn't want to be spotted as 'Sirius'. Sirius believed that spending too much time with him would be bad for James' reputation. As far as James was concerned, he was already associated with Sirius. They'd been best friends since first year. Sirius was adamant though. Sirius resolved that before they made it too the pitch he'd change into his animagus form, a dog, and walk around as 'Padfoot' for the day.

"Who will be at the field?" Remus huffed as they trudged through the snow.

"Smith said he invited everyone in Gryffindor." James answered, "So probably half the school."

Without warning, Sirius frowned and glanced at James before bounding off behind the flat closest to them. Remus sent James a confused expression. James called out for Sirius, trying to feign confusion even though he knew what Sirius was doing. Five seconda later, out from behind the house, a big black dog bounded through the snow towards Remus and James.

It was Sirius but he had transformed into his animagus: a giant black dog. James knelt down to pet Padfoot as he bounded past barking. Remus bent down into the snow and chucked some at Sirius in his dog form.

"A little warning next time Padfoot?" Remus asked.

James laughed but didn't say anything on the matter, Sirius, as always, was looking out for James. James certainly didn't prance around as a stag unless he had too because of the strain transforming took on his body. James imagined Sirius felt the same pain after transfiguring his body that James did. James put his hat over his ears, stinging from the cold. The two boys and the mutt started walking again.

Padfoot trudged ahead barking and snapping at the snow, kicking up the white dust in every direction. James smiled as he watched Sirius let go, like he always did when he transformed. Ever since Sirius had run away from the purist world he'd been on the lookout for the Death Eaters, purists, and revolters alike. Sirius couldn't use his family name as a safe-card any longer. As Padfoot, Sirius could be free without worry.

"Why did he transform?" Remus asked James.

James shrugged, "Maybe he doesn't want his family seeing him."

Remus glanced sideways at James, "His family?"

James blew out air and nodded, "You know his family. The nutters would probably kill him on the spot."

Remus didn't look convinced by James' explanation. James decided to change the subject and was searching for something else to talk about when he spotted a girl he knew. She was walking a little ways ahead, walking alone and wearing a Gryffindor scarf around her neck.

"Anna!" he called after a blonde walking directly in front of them, a broom swung over one shoulder.

Anna Ashton was a tall seventh year Gryffindor. She was in the same house as James and Remus but they hadn't seen her since school let out for the holidays. She stopped in her tracks and turned, grinning. Her flaxen colored hair was adorned with a red streak in the back, probably Anna's tribute to the holidays. Anna was always changing the stripe to different colors based on the season. Anna was a chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team alongside James and he held a high opinion of her despite the fact the most people found her attitude to be annoying. Anna's grin was wider when she realized who was walking up behind her.

"Playing a quick game Potter?" she called before acknowledging Remus, "Lupin, are you playing as well?"

"Just watching," Remus answered as they made their way to walk alongside the tall blonde.

James clapped her on the back once he reached her and Anna ruffled James hair. She also sent a wink to Remus who blushed at her forthright approach. They began walking to the hill together. James couldn't see Sirius, but he assumed that in dog form, Sirius was better off than he was in human form.

"I've missed quidditch," Anna spoke to James, "Haven't you?"

"Yeah but hopefully no Slytherins show up today." James muttered with slight worry, he didn't want to deal with the moody Slytherins.

"Well I certainly didn't invite them." Anna replied, "but it looks like it's gonna be a big turn out."

Anna was right. Shakleberry was already filled by the time they reached the top of the hill. Teenagers were everywhere talking, laughing, and flying through the crowds. The middle of the top of the hill was slowly being sanctioned off to be the field. Three boys were trying hard to get makeshift goal posts to stay up on one end of the pitch while the other end was already ready to be played.

James felt instantly relieved from his qualms at the sight of the field. Quidditch was one of his favorite pastimes and quidditch in the snow was bound to be fun. Beside him, Anna breathed in.

"Smell the sweet smell of Christmas Quidditch boys." Her laugh was clear as she hopped on her broom and started warming up by doing eagle dives above the heads of at least fifty spectators.

James grinned at Remus, "I'm sure they need a scorekeeper."

"Who is running this thing?" Remus answered, "Where is Smith?"

James pointed to the center field where a dark skinned boy with jet black hair was talking to a surrounding group of young players. Barnaby Smith was a sixth year Gryffindor and James' protégé when it came to quidditch.

"You need to go over there, we haven't split into teams yet—James, thank Merlin." Smith grinned when he saw James walking up, broomstick in hand.

"What's the plan?" James asked Barnaby who pushed back a chatting kid.

Barnaby blew his roan hair from his face, "Two tournaments, one on each side of the field?"

James nodded, looking around at potential players. A lot of people were starting to stand around the edges of the field. A big black dog started bounding down the field in the snow and people laughed, pointing at it. James chuckled and nudged Remus who rolled his eyes and commented on getting the mutt before he got sent to the pound. Barnaby waited for James' agreement on the plan.

"New players on the left field. Old on the right. We'll play against each other. You Captain the old and I'll captain the new." James grinned at Barnaby, "Ready?"

Barnaby matched his grin, "Hell yeah." Barnaby got on his broom and rose in the air, shouting the directions as he went, "Alright, listen up you lot. New players on the left field…old players on the right!"

James also mounted his broom, gripping the handle lazily as he rose into the air. Barnaby and James watched as kids separated themselves to the proper side. Barnaby and James gave each player a position on their makeshift teams and began an intense game of quidditch. It was hardly professional but it was entertaining. Brooms slammed into each other, bludgers were knocking people off their brooms, the players screamed encouragement, spectators yelled death threats, and bets were being placed. This was the best kind of quidditch because there were no contact rules.

James was controlling a team of newer players but they had a good seeker. James sat at the goal posts playing keeper, watching his makeshift team try to capture the quaffle from the older and more experienced team. In the end though James' team lost to Barnaby's team. James congratulated his team on a game well-played and high fived Anna when she dismounted beside him on the ground.

"Nice game Potter." She laughed, smacking him on the back, "but I got to be heading back home before mum yells at me for spending too much time with boys." She winked at James and then turned, shouting at Barnaby Smith to hold off for a bit.

James noticed Barnaby looked extra thrilled the pretty witch was seeking out his attention. James slung his broom back over his shoulder and ruffled his hair as he looked for Remus and the big black dog. James spotted Sirius first, as he was bounding around catching snowballs that kids were throwing for him. Remus was standing not to far from this game, arms crossed, smirking. James wandered over to Remus.

"He's having way too much fun." Remus told James once he was within earshot.

"He hardly ever gets out now-a-days." James replied back, using his broomstick to lean on and watch Sirius stand still to pant heavily.

"So what's going on?" Remus asked conversationally.

James frowned at Remus, "What do you mean?"

"Why can't you really come over Sunday?" Remus rolled his eyes when he saw James' chagrined face, "I've known you for seven years and seen you lie to half a dozen teachers. What's going on?"

"Moony." James moaned, pulling a miserable face, "I really don't—"

"Spill, Potter." Remus nudged James with half a laugh etched on his face.

James sent Remus a serious frown; "I don't want to bother you with my prob—"

"_James_." Remus warned with a raised eyebrow.

James shifted his weight, "It's just—" James shoulders dropped in defeat, "purist shite."

Remus didn't answer for a moment. Both he and James watched Padfoot jumping around and barking at the girls playing with him. Remus spoke.

"Listen," he coughed uncomfortably, "If you need to stop spending time around me…"

James quickly started shaking his head. It was clear that Remus thought that James' Aunt had found out about Remus' werewolf problem. James had made sure that his Aunt hadn't heard about Remus' certin affliction with the full moon. Even though Remus was pureblood, if James' Aunt found out he was hanging with a werewolf she'd have a fit. People thought werewolves were dangerous and aggressive—even if Remus was the farthest from both.

"Remus," James said quickly, putting a hand on Remus' bony shoulder sternly, "This has nothing to do with you or—your furry little problem."

Remus didn't look so convinced and narrowed his eyes, "Then what's going on?"

"_Ahem_." A female voice coughed behind Remus and James.

Remus looked perplexed and nodded to James to turn. James turned around and almost dropped his broomstick. Andromeda was walking up from behind them and James wondered if she had been at the game the whole time. Remus coughed into his hand and James sent him a warning glimpse, not to say a word. Andromeda glanced at Remus momentarily with interest before wholly staring at James.

"Andromeda?" He was completely flabbergasted, "What're you doing here?"

"Your Aunt told me I could find you here." She answered. Her eyes were onyx colored and they kept flickering over to Remus. Her attitude was a clear indication that she wanted to speak to James alone.

"I'll see you later James." Remus spoke, moving away from James and Andromeda.

James tried to communicate for Remus to wait but Remus started making is way to the other side of the field. James felt like the temperature had dropped five degrees.

"We need to talk." Andromeda said quickly once Remus had abandoned James.

"Do we?" James flipped his broomstick around so he could lean on the handle, staring at Andromeda intently, "What about?"

Andromeda scratched her nose and looked around, like she'd rather be anywhere than at the quidditch field. Her black hair was tumbling down her shoulders, giving her the impression of being younger than she really was. Andromeda kicked the snow with her foot in a stalling motion before taking a deep breath and speaking.

"I'm sorry," she let the words tumble from her mouth, "I know I haven't been very, warm, towards you." She fingered her green and silver scarf uncertainly, "I've been acting childish." She smiled at James sympathetically, "and look at you, years younger but so much wiser than me."

"Er."

James was surprised when she jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She was breathing against his neck, as if waiting for him to hug her back. James hugged her gawkily, dropping his broom for full effect. Andromeda's shoulders relaxed against his grasp like she let out a breath of air. She whispered, hot breath on his ear.

"My sister saw you…"

James didn't know if he should pull away from her or not, Andromeda had a firm grip on his shoulders, keeping him attached to her as she spoke swiftly, "She saw you save a muggleborn being picked on. My father was infuriated when he heard and brought the Burke family around this morning for me to meet their son…"

James pulled from her grasp now, staring down at her with worry, "Your sister?" James was looking around them now.

Sirius was laying not to far away being loved on by a group of girls but he was paying attention to James and Andromeda talking. The dogs grey eyes were wide against his muzzle and if he weren't a dog, James would've seen a wrinkle or two between Sirius' brows.

Andromeda clasped her hands together, "My sister is quite against you and I getting married."

James didn't dare ask which of her sisters didn't approve of him. He wondered why Andromeda was telling him this, he wondered if she was waiting for him to admit he cared for the well being of muggleborns so she could stop the alliance in it's prime. Andromeda surprised him yet again when she grabbed his hand, pulling him towards her yet again.

"James," it was the first time she had actually ever said his name, it was soft, warm.

James glanced back at the big black dog again, wishing it were actually human Sirius. Andromeda squeezed his arm. James spun his head back to the witch demanding his attention at the moment.

"My father isn't giving you another chance." She narrowed her dark grey eyes, "If my sister, if _anyone_ in our family, catches you doing that—"

"Why are you telling me this?" James ripped his hand from hers and she looked surprised, probably because James had spent most of her talk quiet, pondering, not interrupting her.

Andromeda was in for a rude surprise if she thought James didn't have a damn thing to say. James might've learned to keep his mouth shut from his Aunt but he still had his mum's fighting spirit in him.

She flushed irritably, "I'm trying to help you!" she snapped.

"But why?" James stepped forward, she stepped back, and "for the past three days I have been trying to get to know you I have been trying to make this work but you seem very unhappy with this alliance between our families."

She pressed a hand to her chest like she was offended, "Trying?" she spat, blinking repeatedly, "I hate to break it to you, but helping muggleborns isn't trying very hard. You are lucky I pulled out for you after that stupid stunt you pulled with my cousin in Diagon Alley!"

"Andromeda!"

James and Andromeda stopped their stare down to see someone calling her over. The woman was dressed in black robes and looked platinum blonde. James just didn't know who she was. Andromeda did though. Andromeda waved at the woman who was getting closer to where Andromeda and James stood.

People were staring to stare. James felt something rub against his pant leg and he was startled to see that Sirius had come over finally. The black dog was inspecting Andromeda, sniffing. James nudged the dog a bit with his thigh, trying to tell Sirius to go change back into a human. Sirius didn't pick up on the action, he stood beside James, wagging his tail and whining pathetically. James made a frustrated sound then snapped at Andromea.

"Fine." He said coolly, "No more helping people who are being treated like shite. Got it."

There was a spark of something in her eyes. Andromeda looked around, decidedly having enough. People passing watched like hawks and the blonde woman was within earshot now. James was used to people staring at him but it seemed like Andromeda didn't care for the attention. She rolled her shoulders back and then crossed the space between them, hugging him again. This time James didn't hug her back.

Andromeda brought her cheek to his like a lover would. Beside James' leg, Sirius let out a low growl.

"My father won't listen to me again." Her tone was fierce then she pulled away and said louder and happier, "See you at Sunday dinner, James."

James watched her throw her arm around the blonde woman then he watched the pair walk away together.

"I'm going to need about ten firewhisky's after this is all said and done."

Sirius glanced up at James and tilted his head, snorting.

**~~~I close my eyes and see you there every time~~~**

James couldn't believe that Andromeda's sister had seen him help Lily. What were the chances? Not very slim. No doubt Andromeda had told her sisters that she was meeting him in Diagon Alley and they tracked him on his way in and out. James didn't know what her sister had seen or heard, but any of it would've been enough to cut off the marriage. James got tired of hearing his Aunt complain about James' lack of tact in public and left the house after dinner, heading for the pub.

James found himself wandering around Hogsmede, the old wizarding village in Britain. Snow was falling again and people were laughing and celebrating the holidays in the shops and pubs around. James was holding a butterbeer and walking around aimlessly, trying to figure out why he was playing the game his parents tried so hard to keep him out of.

The Potters had wanted their son to carry on the pureblood line. They wanted grandchildren to carry on the Potter legacy. They wanted James to marry someone with status but someone he would love. James' dad wanted a pureblood, at least. James' mum could've cared less.

"If you don't love her, do not marry her." His mother had told him more than once.

James had taken that advice, his mothers advice, to her very grave. Now James wasn't sure what to think. The world had changed since his parents had died and he wished that he could have someone to talk to. Someone who would know exactly what his parents would want him to do.

James walked into the sweetshop looking for something to snack on while he walked up and down the streets. James picked up a packet of unwrapped chocolate pepperimps and headed to the register, paying for his purchase. It was busy in the shop, being so close to Christmas, and James tried his hardest to get around everyone without hitting someone. He failed when he opened the door and slammed into an old woman who started shouting at him for being a hooligan.

"_You idjiot, you idjiot_!" she shouted over and over at James, becoming purple in her wrinkled old face.

James apologized over and over but the old lady was swearing up and down she was going to set her grandson on James. James backed away from the store, bright red and looking for a way out when someone came up behind him and wrapped their arms around him. James froze, the ridiculousness of the situation getting worse. He smelled feint whisps of peppermint but other than that, he was unable to figure out who had just grabbed him from behind. The old woman was menacing, wagging her finger like Aunt Dory would do.

"I'm so sorry!" the bright familiar voice of a certain muggleborn rang behind James.

Lily.

James looked back and saw it _was_ Lily Evans hanging off him, grinning at the woman around James' tall frame. No matter how upset he should've been at the sudden appearance of Lily, James was secretly floored at his luck.

"I knew I shouldn't have left him alone!" Lily told the woman, "He's _completely_ drunk. I'm so sorry!"

James looked at Lily in doubt but Lily's charms worked wonders and the old woman huffed in agreement but finally entered the sweetshop. Lily laughed, letting go of James who turned to face her in disbelief.

"Where—how—hi?" he laughed, "I thought she was going to murder me!"

"What did you do?" she snickered, putting her hands back into her pockets for warmth.

James shrugged, "Opened the door on her?" he grinned sheepishly and leaned forward, "But I'm drunk, yeah?"

Lily laughed, hunching over, shoulders shaking. James loved her laugh, it was so genuine and he chuckled in spite of himself. His sheepish grin grew into a full on smile. Lily looked up at him appreciatively.

"I'm staying at Hogwarts for the holidays…" she motioned back towards where the school was located, "I come into town to get away from Slughorn asking me to come to dinner every night." She rolled her eyes pleasurably.

"I'd imagine everyone in that castle wants to have dinner with you." James answered kindly.

Lily blushed and glanced around. That's when James was woke up from his trance. James shouldn't be with Lily. Andromeda had practically told James that her family was watching him closely and Lily was definitely off limits.

James started receding into the shadows of the shop. Lily shifted so she was standing perfectly, blocking him from the street view. Lily blinked keenly at James.

"I'm going to get a drink at The Three Broomsticks…"

It wasn't an invitation but she was looking at him expectantly. James couldn't ask to come, not after Andromeda had told him today that he was being watched. Hell, if anyone saw him talking with her he'd probably break the alliance. Blood purity wasn't anything the Black family messed around with. James looked over Lily's shoulder at the street. Perhaps someone was waiting there, ready to bust him. When James didn't answer Lily, she frowned, her joy gone.

"Never mind." She looked shattered, "I just—_ugh_." She pushed her red hair back from her face and looked embarrassed, "sometimes I forget that you're just like the rest of those hypocrites. Saying you don't care about my blood status but in all reality you do."

James looked away from the street and back to her in shock at her words, "What?" he yelped angrily.

"You're going to deny it aren't you?" she laughed, eyes sparkling with a sudden fierceness; "You always got offended when I compared you to them."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He stated fiercely.

She lifted her chin, "You can't even go get a drink with me, you're afraid of getting spotted with a muggleborn."

James opened his mouth to argue quickly but realized that it would be lying. He _was_ afraid to be spotted with her…but for reasons different to the ones she was used to. Lily laughed cynically, but she didn't leave. Instead she stepped closer, emerald eyes poignant.

"I know it was you, at Diagon Alley." She said, stepping closer, making him step back.

They were in the eves of the shop now, people passing by but not really watching. James ruffled his hair and shrugged. He was trying not to get into too deep a conversation with her.

Lily raised her eyebrows, "The two spells used on that moron were _classic_ James Potter and Sirius Black tag-team...when I saw you both walking away, I knew it."

James did often use the slicing spell to take the trousers off unsuspecting victims but Sirius hadn't even used the freezing charm before. At least not paired with James' classic jinx. Lily must've simply connected the dots and all the answers pointed at James.

"Why'd you help me?" she asked offhandedly, like she was asking him about the weather.

James stared down at her unable to answer. Could he tell her that he'd helped her because he thought it was all wrong? Could he be honest with her? Tell her he was a sympathizer but couldn't show it...

Lily was acting like she was waiting for a confession. Her smile was growing more devilish and reminded James of a child teasing. She took another step forward and James didn't step back this time. She was probably only an inch or two from him, standing on her tiptoes so that their noses were almost touching.

"Sometimes you act like them, the purists." She pointed to his robes, which happened to be adorned with the Potter crest. Her eyes lifted back to his, green mesmerizing eyes that seemed to petrify James' mind. She leaned back, away from him, allowing him room to breathe.

"I am not like them." James promised roughly, trying to look casual, and lean against the building.

"Prove it." She said confidently, starting to back away from them all together, she was swaying, moving like a dancer. James never realized how graceful she actually was, how playful. Lily licked her lips and then grinned, clearing her throat.

"Well, are you coming to the pub or not?" she asked, walking backwards slowly.

James frowned deeply at her, _what the hell was she playing at?_ James was trying so hard to be good for his family and friends, and this redheaded nightmare came around and taunted him to jump the safety lines put up around him. She bought him that hot chocolate, the single hot chocolate, and all of a sudden he was so confused about everything.

"What are you playing at?" James snapped his frustrations at her.

Lily didn't look offended, merely intrigued, "What do you mean?"

"Why did you buy me that hot chocolate?" he demanded.

"I thought you looked like you needed something to smile about," she answered, putting a hand on her hip.

James peered down at Lily and she gazed up at him with just as much intensity. James should've turned around then and there. James should've thanked her and walked away but instead he watched that smirk flicker across her face again and he knew he was doomed. She was like quicksand, pulling him in.

"What?" he asked in disbelief, staring at the girl dumbfounded.

Lily stepped forward again, this time she was moving so swiftly she came up and leaned so close he could smell her perfume. James figured he hadn't smelled anything as nice as her ever. When he was looking her up and down he noticed a tiny little pendent on her neck of an owl in flight. He forced his eyes back to her own and wasn't disappointed to find them sparkling in the dim light from the shop behind them.

Andromeda's family would surly disapprove of this. James was probably treading dangerous waters allowing himself so much time with the redhead in front of him. It was James and Lily, surrounded by witches and wizards. Anyone was bound to recognize them but James couldn't keep his eyes off of her. James took a step back, creating a mental wall between them. The sparkle in Lily's eyes disappeared and her smile faltered.

"You've changed," she commented ironically, her eyes never leaving his, "I used to be able to flirt with you for hours but you're so somber now."

James almost dropped his butterbeer, his candy, and his heart lurched. "You what?"

Lily ignored him and her shoulders dropped, she started stepping away from James again, "What?" she sounded embarrassed, forlorn; she refused to look at him now.

James felt like he was on a roller coaster of emotions. She was flirting with him. How could he have been so daft? Her dancing and intimacy had not been teasing. She'd been flirting! Lily Evans liked him! James thought his heart would fly away, it was beating so fast. Lily was fully crimson in the face now and she was peering up at him with ambiguity.

"I thought you knew I fancied you." She whispered, she was no longer the confident and witty girl she had been; now she was looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a muggle car.

But Lily Evans fancied James and there was no way in hell James would be able to sleep at night if he let Lily walk away now. She wasn't what he needed but she was certainly what he wanted: pureblood or not. The alliance be damned!

Lily looked like she was growing angry, she huffed and stared turning away, "Right," she sounded trounced, "I'll see you later then, yeah?"

"Lily, wait!" James jumped forward, pulling her into his chest, "Hold on a moment!"

She looked surprised at his actions, no doubt because she thought he didn't fancy her back. James dragged them both under the eves of the sweet shop, using the shadows to hide them. Lily was staring at him with an expression of annoyance. She was pushing against his chest for freedom.

"Forget I said anything, you are just like the rest of those no bloody good, arrogant sons of—"

"I helped you in Diagon Alley because I didn't like seeing you bullied for being muggle born." James confessed, "And because I fancy you too. I fancy the bloody robes off of you!"

Lily looked aghast and had her hands against his chest, "If you don't agree with it then why are you so afraid of being seen with me outside of Hogwarts?" she asked astutely, "You just pulled me behind a shop front!"

James didn't know how to answer; he just stared down at her. He was certainly looking at her now and he like every single detail down to the tiny freckles on her nose that he never had a chance to notice because he'd never been so close to her.

"Things are…complicated." James answered, unsure how to tell her exactly how complicated it actually was.

Lily scoffed, "How can things be complicated if you _'fancy the bloody robes off'_ me. Which, by the way, is the single most _least_ romantic thing any boy has ever said to me…" she mimicked his accent when she quoted him, making motions with her hands and pushing him again.

James let go of her and she crossed her arms, glaring at him. James paced for a moment before turning back to see her expression was one of interest.

"Well," she stated coolly, "If you figure out how complicated it would be to go out and have one coffee with me, let me know." She began walking back out onto the street.

How fucking complicated could it be with one coffee?

Well, if anyone found out James would probably have his entire family targeted. James wasn't in a position to be gambling with fate. James was the last Potter—the last of one of the only purist families left. At the same time, James was an expert at sneaking around. One date. Maybe with one date James could get the vivacious redhead out of his system forever.

"Evans!" he called after her.

Lily turned, her red hair swinging over one shoulder, she looked hopeful. One date. James reminded himself. Just one. He could do it the day after dinner with Andromeda's family. Merlin knew he'd need something to reward himself after a dinner with that family. They wouldn't ever have to find out. James would take Lily to a muggle coffee shop—no purist would ever go into a muggle shop.

"I'll pick you up at seven on Monday, yeah?"

Her eyes narrowed like she was considering it. James waited with bated breath. She fancied with him, despite obviously being annoyed with how he handled himself around her, Lily fancied him.

Lily nodded her head sharply, "Meet you here?" she was walking backwards and knocked into a gentleman in a top hat, "Opps. I'm so sorry, I wasn't—" Lily begged forgiveness of the man but he shuffled past, ignoring her.

James felt a smirk lift his lips and leaned against the side of the building, watching the snow swirl around Lily as she giggled and sent James one last small wave. That sparkling smile she sent him made everything that could go wrong seem worth it.

* * *

**Next time:**

"Never mind," James muttered, smacking his fist into his desk, "I shouldn't have told you."

Sirius rushed to his side, digging his hand into James' shoulder, "Fucking hell James, this isn't—Andy is going to murde—"

"_'_Dromeda." James chuckled sardonically, "If there is one thing I learned at dinner, it's that my future wife hates being called Andy."

Sirius said a few choice words about how he didn't care what she was called. Sirius pushed James a bit, walking away angrily, and sprouting a colorful number of sentences that happened to tell James just how dim-witted he actually is. James was vaguely aware of Sirius throwing himself into the bed but James didn't bother looking up. He was too busy face planting into the desk.

"She was just so…_persuasive_." James muttered, thinking of Lily's dazzling smile.

"So are veela but you don't see me meeting one for tea." Sirius replied from the bed. His voice was muffled so James figured Sirius had fallen headfirst into the pillows.

At least Sirius wasn't yelling. James knew it couldn't be too bad if Sirius wasn't yelling—but then again James was speaking to the King of family betrayal.


	4. Counting Stars

**Thank you to everyone liking, reviewing, and sharing this story. I love you all! Enjoy the next chapter. **

* * *

**Chapter 4:**

**Old, but I'm not that old  
Young, but I'm not that bold  
And I don't think the world is sold  
I'm just doing what we're told**

James found that the more he dreaded something, the more time seemed to speed up. It happened to him numerous amounts of times where he not look forward to something and then suddenly; the very thing he tried his hardest to avoid was upon him. Sunday dinner with Andromeda and her family happened to be one of those things. James tried to take each day as slowly as possible but Sunday morning found him quickly.

On top of not wanting to go to dinner with the purists James had been dealing with his Aunt trying to talk to him about every little detail down to what color trousers he was going to wear. She had heard that Mr. Black had brought the Burke's to meet Andromeda. James said not to worry about it but she only stopped nagging him after he threatened to call the whole thing off.

Then there was the whole Lily Evans problem. James was excited to go have coffee with her, more excited than he was to spend an entire afternoon with Andromeda.

He knew he was going to be picked apart by blood purists who certainly won't entirely approve of him. Aunt Dory made James promise to not even mention his mother as the Blacks were now sworn off the Bones' lineage. James knew better than to mention his mother to purists like the Black family.

James felt like Lily probably didn't know what she was getting into by going out with him. Lily was muggleborn and couldn't possibly understand…or she did understand and she didn't give a damn.

James spent most of Sunday morning in his bedroom, refusing to go downstairs and face his Aunt who would be fretting about dinner. James was to apparate to Greenwich at four O'clock sharp to meet Andromeda and her family. Aunt Dory was determined to get James there not a moment later.

Ever since James had been invited to Andromeda's place for dinner Aunt Dory had been euphoric. James' time with Andromeda was all she could talk about. It was like Aunt Dory was trying to prove to people she had done well on his part. James was sure that she thought she was doing what was best, forcing him to go along with this arrangement. Maybe if his parents were still alive they'd be on board with it—too bad there was no one he could ask.

James was busy scribbling at his desk, letting simple curves turn into a soft-framed face with a high forehead. Sloping curves turned into a pair of smiling lips. He was just finishing inking a sweep of hair over one side of the face when a knock came at his door.

"Master Potter," it was a house elf by the sound of the high-pitched tones, "Mistress wishes you to come down."

James flicked his quill down and admired his quick sketch of the girl. If he had another few moments he would've been able to add the selective curve of her nose, the light freckles dotted across her cheeks, the almond shaped eyes. Instead he abandoned his drawing and spun in his chair.

"Coming." He said acutely, lifting himself into a standing position and stretching.

There was no more avoiding his Aunt.

By the time he'd opened his bedroom door the house elf had gone. There was a tray of pumpkin juice and hot rolls. James picked up a cup and a roll, stuffing his mouth as he walked down the hall to the sitting room where he heard his Aunt coughing lightly. He walked into the sitting room while dumping the contents of his cup into his mouth. He set the cup on one of his aunt's side tables for a house elf to pick up. Dory was sitting at her desk, writing letters with her quill.

"You can't hide forever in your room."

She must've heard him walk in.

"I wasn't hiding." James answered after he'd swallowed the last of his roll, "I was sleeping."

Aunt Dory clicked her tongue in disbelief. James dropped into one of the stiff armchairs, staring at the portraits of past family members. The portrait of his parents was his particular favorite. It was smaller than the others but James could still see his parents looked younger than James had ever seen them. James' mum was blonde and her blue eyes radiated like pools of the lightest ocean. James' dad was proud and had a strong chin. He looked just like James, down to the messy black hair.

The only noise came from the sound of scratching from Aunt Dory's quill and the ticking grandfather clock in the corner of the room. Down the hall, James could hear the unmistakable sound of the house elves singing as the worked. Aunt Dory told James when he first moved in he could order the elves to do whatever he liked—except stop singing. At first their constant crooning of soft folk music drove James to drink but now it was a sound he associated with home.

What seemed like hours later Aunt Dory spoke up, "I got a owl this morning from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad. They got your NEWTs from Hogwarts and want to set up an interview before you head back to school."

James picked at a scab on his hand. He didn't answer his Aunt because he wasn't sure what to say. Magical law enforcement had been his dad's job; no doubt they had requested his NEWTs from Hogwarts. His dad had worked there for so long he'd trained the current leader of the squad. It wouldn't be a bad job and James was sure his dad would've wanted James to at least complete an interview.

"When?" James asked, "With who?"

"His name is Charles Smith." Dory responded, still writing at her desk, "You can owl him to set up a time."

James nodded and glanced at the portrait of his parents again. They were staring at each other with a look of admiration on their faces. James' dad let his hand grazed his mums face lovingly. James knew that even though they were on portraits, it was the closest thing he had to his old family. Aunt Dory sent James parchment and a quill with a flick of her wand. James set to work asking for an interview two days after Christmas. Magical Law Enforcement would be fun to do after he graduated from Hogwarts. James remembered his dad coming home from work with stories of magical mishaps that made five year old James wiggle on the floor in laughter.

Aunt Dory remained sitting for only a few more minutes and then made James go upstairs to get changed so she could inspect his outfit. He changed into his best dress robes, all black, left over from his parents' funeral. Since they were older James was required to magically expand the sleeves and length on the back. James had grown since he was obligated to wear his dress robes. He tried to comb his hair over but it ended up just sticking up all over the place in the back. When he got downstairs Aunt Dory cursed the Potter family hair and started smothering her own hair products all over his head.

In the end, Aunt Dory whipped out an older wizard hat from the closet and stuffed it on James' head. James straightened his glasses and quickly went over to the closest mirror, inspecting himself. He almost looked like his dad, the tall wizards hat, and the sleek dress robes creating the effect of a much older wizard. James' nose was more pointed like his mum though and he rubbed at his nose and squinted at himself in the mirror. Beside him Aunt Dory's wrinkled face was grinning proudly.

"You would've made them proud, James." Aunt Dory boasted, standing on her tiptoes to kiss James' cheek.

James swallowed, not really recognizing the wizard in the mirror. He looked stiff and the pointed hat gave off an air of authority since only older wizards really wore hats. At his neck was a bowtie where Aunt Dory had pinned the Potter crest, a constant reminder of his heritage.

James arrived at the house of the Black family at three fifty nine, on the dot. He smelled like Aunt Dory's perfume and he was sure his hair was sticking up in all directions around his hat now. He fixed his glasses for the umpteenth time that afternoon before walking up the long pathway of the Black house.

This family home was larger than Sirius' family home. It had three stories and gave off a Victorian air with wide bay windows and arches that appeared quite medieval looking. A white picket fence surrounded the property and snow form the previous storms covered various plants around the yard. Icicles hung from the roof and James almost wished one would impale him so he wouldn't have to knock on the double timber doors that led into the house.

Before he could knock though, the doors were flung open and a woman dressed in an alarming number of sparkles erupted from the door with a wide grin on her face.

"James, dear."

She reminded James of a weasel, her face pointed and sharp. Mrs. Black was nothing like her daughter Andromeda that was for sure. She hugged James, making him stumble back a bit, but he hugged her back respectfully.

"Mrs. Black." He answered, "Happy Christmas."

"Oh, call me Druella dear." Her voice was just as sharp as her facial expressions.

"Druella." James wished he wasn't alone.

Druella let go of him and that was when he saw there were other members of the family waiting to greet him. A tall woman with long blond hair was watching him with sharp eyes. She looked like Druella and James wondered if she had been the blonde that came to get Andromeda at the quidditch game. She introduced herself by nodding her head at James, not speaking. He found this odd so he turned his attention to Andromeda.

Andromeda stood studying James, her hands clasped, she was dressed in a sparkly dress that left little to imagination. The maroon dress hugged her curves and was cut so low James almost felt embarrassed for the poor girl. She wore gold jewelry but is was the gloomy smile on her face that caught James the most. She looked miserable, yet she said nothing.

"Andromeda looks wonderful, correct Potter?" A male voice said from behind the girls.

James watched in awe as the girls moved to either side of the door, their heads ducking to the floor. Druella put an arm around James' waist like she knew him well. James watched a portly man with a stout nose and watery blue eyes appear, face hard set. He had jet-black hair and a handlebar mustache that twisted evilly at the tips. He placed a hand on Andromeda's shoulder forcefully, her head shooting up at her father.

"We dressed her in Gryffindor colors. For you of course." Mr. Black gestured to the maroon dress his daughter was adorned in.

James was completely taken aback at what was going on. It was like they were trying to sell him a piece of meat. James almost wanted to turn around and never look back but something in Andromeda's expression made him falter. She glanced past her father, eyes connecting with James. James found he pitied the poor girl.

"Mr. Potter?" Black addressed James again, this time his voice harsher.

James looked away from Andromeda and allowed himself to connect eyes again with the man in front of him, "Lovely, she looks lovely."

It was as if the tension in the air broke. Mrs. Black let go of James, gesturing inside of the house. The blond girl left the door front first, making her way into the hallway, followed by Mr. and Mrs. Black. James took a deep breath and glanced at Andromeda. She was staring at the back of her father's head with a look he'd seen before.

Way back when he used to visit Sirius at his place—before Sirius ran away—he used to send his father the same loathing looks. It was a look Sirius didn't dare send right to his fathers face. It was a look often passed quickly as his father walked away. It was the exact same look Andromeda was sending her father.

James had only been at the house for five minutes and it was clear to him now that Andromeda was not happy with her father. James couldn't say that he blamed her in the least. James held out his arm to the black haired woman and she didn't even glance at him as she took it. Her hand connected to his professionally, the connection between them cold. James saw Goosebumps on her bare arms. The gold jewelry she had on her wrist looked like chains.

"How are you Andy?" he asked, trying to sound present as he followed the backs of Mr. and Mrs. Black into the house.

Andromeda's dress dragged behind them as they walked through the front door into a huge hallway filled with portraits. James couldn't help but marvel at the high ceiling, imagining the hall must've taken up half the house. There were doors connecting to other rooms, but they were heading for a wide staircase leading upstairs. James' shoes clicked off marble floors.

"Dromeda." She replied starkly.

"We've had the house elves preparing for your visit James." Druella called from in front of them, "I hope you like roast pig."

"I'm sure whatever you serve will be fine." James answered politely, glancing at a grotesque portrait of a wizard cutting off the head of a female witch.

He glanced at Andromeda; her head was bent like a nun praying during church. Her nails were digging into his arm when her father spoke up.

"We'll be eating in the dining room." Mr. Black stated, "It was built by my grandfather for my grandmother, entirely made out of gold and adorned with the Bullstrode family crest."

If James was supposed to be impressed, he wasn't. The golden room caused James to feel particularly lost as the soft colors conflicted with the harsh Bullstrode family crest carved into the walls. Mirrors only seemed to amplify the room, showing the image of a snake curving around a briar rose one hundred times over. James was sure there had to be a story behind the family crest and he had a feeling that if he asked, Mr. Black would be pleased by his interest in the old family.

Instead of asking, James pulled out a chair at the dining table for Andromeda and sat down beside her. The plates in front of them were inlaid with the Black family quote. Sirius probably would break every single plate if he saw them. Andromeda's hands were placed daintily in front of her on the table and James saw her knuckles were white. The other members of the family sat around a circular table, the blond girl sitting on the other side of James.

"I'm James," James offered the blonde woman.

She made no motion to answer. Both girls stared at their plates, like dolls waiting to be messed with. James was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable. Mr. Black cleared his throat, directly across from James. House elves appeared, wearing nothing but silver tea cozies adorned with the Black family crest. They set steaming plates of food in front of James and his dinner mates before leaving automatically. The goblets filled with wine automatically. Mr. Black reached for his glass, raising it in the air dramatically.

James followed suit, grabbing his cup. All three women sat still, even Mrs. Black who stared at James unnervingly. James glanced sideways at his future wife only for a moment and saw she was staring at her pale knuckles as if wishing herself away from dinner. James met the dark eyes of Mr. Black and was unhappy to see his hard stare had only increased.

"_Toujours pur_, Mr. Potter." He tipped his glass, a little wine falling out.

James tipped his glass as well and instead of repeating the Black family motto, repeated the Potter family motto, "_Semper fortis_."

James saw a flicker of annoyance in Mr. Black's eyes as he drink to James' toast. That was the first time James realized he offended his future father in law. The second time came when James replied that he'd prefer to play quidditch than work at the Ministry. The third time and final time was at desert.

James asked Andromeda if she'd like to take a quick walk down the block with him after they finished desert.

"We shouldn't. There are muggles off property." Her eyes were downcast.

"I'm sure they won't mind if we take a small walk." James teased.

Mr. Black cleared his throat and suddenly at the ladies in the room looked up from their plates. He pointed to the door and as if on a timer, the woman stood and left the room. Andromeda's hand grazed James' shoulder as she left and that's when James realized he'd done something wrong. James sat up and stared worriedly at Mr. Black.

Mr. Black poured some of the remaining wine into his glass; hush overpowering the room once the door had been shut, leaving James completely alone with Black. James could feel the animosity in the room and realized he hadn't been playing the game right. Mr. Black was a man of old traditions, this was clear. James reached up to straighten the wizard hat on his head.

"Do you wish to marry my daughter Mr. Potter?" Mr. Black asked simply, placing the empty wine pitcher on the table with a clang.

James bravely ignored the hostility in Mr. Black's tones, "Yes." He lied.

"You are the only Potter left," Mr. Black commented dryly, "And despite your mother's status, there is still high hope that your blood hasn't been tainted too much by her soft heart." James felt his chest collapse at the mention of his mother as a softhearted woman; she was anything but soft hearted. Mr. Black either ignored James flare of anger or didn't care. "Andromeda needs a strong man, one to tell her what to do. All of my girls understand to do what they are told, not what they are asked."

James' eyes narrowed, "I am not so sure I understand what you mean, sir." James used the term 'sir' lightly, sardonically.

Mr. Black leaned back in his large chair, observing James, "Despite the rumors of being a complete fool at school, you are Head Boy." His wintry eyes were concentrated, "You have the possibility of controlling, Mr. Potter, you have the ability for _power_. Yet, you joke about leaving that authority behind for a mere quidditch game. You straddle the line between purist and sympathizer by proudly wearing your family crest but helping mudbloods in the streets."

James refused to let the anger show through his emotions at the term mudblood. He hated that term, ever since he was a child, his mother had taught him to detest it. She taught him how conceited and brainless it sounded. Saying it was an insult to his mother, saying it was an insult to her memory.

Mr. Black sneered, "You are exceptionally bright Mr. Potter, I have heard that much. You would be smart to use that power you have for good."

James pursed his lips, trying not to speak out.

Mr. Black stood up, his chair scratching the floor like nails on a chalkboard. James didn't dare let his eyes leave Mr. Black. He didn't dare show any hesitation. James might not be good at playing the game, but he certainly knew when enough was enough.

James had reached the point where Mr. Black was going to test him. Mr. Black was going to see if James was as willing to bend as his wife and two daughters. The older man walked his way over to James' seat and James sat still, breathing in slowly. It was like a predator stalking his prey, ever waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

"Do you want Andromeda to marry me?" James asked simply, "I'm sure there are _other_ pureblood witches I can marry."

Mr. Black paused, staring at James dubiously. James knew he had struck a nerve because James had a point. There were other pureblood women, the Bones, the Bullstrodes, the Weasleys. All questionable lineages and not nearly as pure as a Potter or a Black but James didn't care—not as much as the Black family cared. James didn't have to marry Andromeda but they needed Andromeda to marry James. Despite how much the Black family didn't want to admit it—they needed James' pureblood because he was the only purist left.

Behind the men, the doors to the room burst open, and they both jumped. At first glimpse, James thought it was Andromeda but then he got a better look when Mr. Black moved out of the way. It was an exceptionally stunning woman who looked similar to Andromeda. Yet, this woman held herself more haughtily than James had ever seen Andromeda do. She wore a black dress fitted to her curves and was covered only by a thick traveling cloak.

"So here it is." She said, staring past her father at James in his seat, "A lion in a snakes chair." She heckled loudly and then glanced at her father.

Andromeda appeared and James noticed that although she was not as elegant as the intruder, they almost looked identical. Andromeda had her hands wrapped delicately in front of her and she looked worried, frenzied almost.

"You didn't say he was just a _baby_, Andy." The woman came to stand directly in front of James, leaning over so her breasts almost popped out of her dress. Her curly black hair fell over her shoulder as her eyes bore into James. James pulled back away from the woman in immediate dislike.

"_Dromeda_." Andromeda stated to her sister, "_Not_ Andy, Bella."

The woman pouted her lip and rolled her eyes, before staring at James like he was a bright and shiny new toy. She held out her hand to James and he took it suspiciously. She beamed down at him with an impish grin.

"My daughter, Bellatrix Lestrange." Mr. Black looked at this daughter smugly, before throwing a disdainful look at Andromeda, "Go fetch your cloak, you can go out with Potter for one hour."

Andromeda raced out of the room as James stood up, letting go of Bella's wintry hand. Bellatrix launched herself up onto the table in a way that James was sure neither of her sisters would've attempted. James tore the wizards hat off his head in a disgruntled manner and Bella laughed from behind him.

"Look at that hair," she commented to her father.

Her father did not answer his daughter, instead he held out his hand to James roughly.

"Remember what I said boy." He said gruffly, pulling James in closer when James took his hand, "The time for games is over." Behind James he thought he heard Bellatrix shift, and a soft sigh come from her lips. He forced himself to maintain eye contact with Mr. Black's round face, "Despite your history, you have greatness in you."

He told James he had greatness in him like James was going to make the wrong choices and lose everything. Mr. Black saw James as a person who was going to make all the wrong choices unless he has a firm hand pointing James where to go. Mr. Black's choices for James were clear: marry his daughter, secure the alliance, and gain a reputation in the purist community.

James noticed how dark it was outside and he wished he had a watch on so he knew the time. Andromeda met him at the door and her father instructed her to behave. Andromeda didn't even answer him, just dipped her head in acknowledgment.

Once he had gotten out of the house he noticed that Andromeda was in a big wool coat but she still wore her fancy dress that sparkled under the lamplight as they walked off the Black family property. The air was icy and she had to be freezing but she was silent. Andromeda hugged the coat and stared at her feet as they made crunching noises in the snow. James couldn't deal with her silence any longer.

"Dromeda…" he started.

Andromeda looked up in surprise, her lips parted in shock. James stopped walking at the stare she sent him.

"What?" he asked at her stare.

"You called me Dromeda." She said delicately, tilting her head.

James snorted and stuck his hands in his pockets, swaying slightly, "I was listening in there you know." He remarked.

Andromeda considered him for a moment as they stood outside the giant house they had just exited. For a moment James thought he had gotten through but then she ducked her head again, her black hair falling into her face.

"My father can be—"

"An arse." James stated bluntly.

Her shoulders tightened and her head shot up. She stared at him doubtfully, "Do you have a filter?" she asked exasperated, glancing back at her house in horror, "Do you know what my father would do if he—"

James glanced back at the house too. Andromeda had a point, especially considering Mr. Black didn't seem too thrilled with James in the first place. Andromeda startled him by taking his hand. James observed her. She looked more like her gorgeous sister in the lamplight because her features were more defined.

"You need to be carful," she hissed bleakly, "_Please_. They need your blood but they won't hesitate to marry me off to the next best thing."

James looked at her in curiosity, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Andromeda flushed red, "It means that I—" she faltered and looked away from him, pushing at the fabric of her dress in frustration. Andromeda pulled her coat around her shoulders angrily before speaking again, "A war is coming," she whispered, moving closer to him, her words a whisper, "You know that. If there wasn't a war coming this would've been a whole lot easier but it isn't and you and I are going to have to work us out."

James felt a flicker of aggravation as she came in even quicker, her hands on his waist. She was looking directly into his eyes, blinking fiercely.

"I know you are a good kid."

"I'm not a kid." James stated.

Andromeda shook her head quickly. She leaned closer to him, "If I have to marry any pureblood I'd rather you than Burke or Bullstrode. If I don't find a purist soon, my sister wants to—" she faltered off again, letting go of his sides and staring at the frozen snow beneath their feet.

James swallowed and glanced back at her house, the lights were on and he thought he saw shadows in the windows. Andromeda was breathing softly in front of him. He'd been inside her life for no more than three hours and already wanted to leave. Her father was planning on selling her off like meat and it was obvious one of her sisters (he could give two guesses who) had other plans if her father couldn't sell her to the best bidder.

"I don't blame you if you want to leave and never come back." She whispered, "Trust me. I've asked around about you." Her hand touched his cheek, "Everyone says you have a lot going for you…"

"Yeah," James explained, "As long as I play the right cards."

"You certainly aren't good at playing the right cards are you." It was the first time she had teased him, her black eyes lightened a bit.

James dropped his wizard's hat and ruffled his hair, moaning and spinning, trying to clear his head. Sirius had warned him that this was more than just his life he was screwing up. Suddenly his time with a muggleborn tomorrow seemed more risky. Andromeda was silent again. James couldn't decide if he liked it when she talked or not. James turned back to see her coat was falling of her shoulders and she looked shattered.

James took a step forward and wrapped her into the first proper hug he'd ever given her. He felt the cold beads of her dress press through his fingers as his arms rested around her waist. James felt her swallow and shiver in his arms. His parents had probably never imagined the situation James found himself in. Aunt Dory probably understood what happened in the Black family to daughters. He wondered if what was happening to Andromeda had happened to Dory all those years ago.

James knew her family was watching, waiting for telltale signs that the alliance was going to work. James had a feeling that if they thought 'Dromeda wasn't trying she'd be punished. James lifted his hand to her chin, forcing her to look at him. In her eyes, James thought she was begging him not too. There was a horror in her expression as James leaned forward and placed his lips daintily on hers.

Then a sob escaped her lips and he tore away from her in shock. She walked away from him, wiping her eyes and her shoulder shaking, back to the house. James watched her go, stuck in his spot, as he watched her walk to the front door. Before she opened it he thought he saw her shoulders square. He thought he saw her wipe her cheeks and breath in deep. It was hard to tell in the dark, but James thought he saw her glance back at him.

She played the game better than he would ever be able to.

**~~~I feel so right by doing the wrong thing and I feel something so wrong by doing the right thing~~~**

Sirius was waiting for him at Aunt Dory's with a bottle of firewhisky in his outstretched hand. James took it wordlessly and walked into the house, brushing past Dory who looked worried for her great nephew.

"James, " she spoke, reaching out for him but he ignored her and Sirius.

He went to his room and slammed the door, downing the bottle of firewhisky in five seconds flat. Eyes tearing up as the harsh liquid hit his throat. Sirius burst through the door moments later, closing the door softly, before spinning on James. Sirius hadn't changed since James last saw him and James could smell the smoke on Sirius' clothes.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

Sirius was staying at the door, like he was worried James would tell him to leave. James tried to get one last drop from the firewhisky bottle, ignoring the fact that he'd already drank it dry. Sirius waited patiently for the explanation of James' attitude. James glanced down at his desk to see the abandoned drawing from this morning. He felt a familiar lurch in his gut as he stared at the sketched picture.

Why had he agreed to go out with Lily?

"I am taking her for coffee tomorrow." James exclaimed pathetically, "But after tonight I know I should've fucking played it safe. Andromeda's family—its all purist shite. _All of it_. If I don't marry her she's gonna be sold off to the next best offer like a pig at slaughter."

"What are you going on about?" Sirius hissed, "Who are you taking out for coffee?"

"Lily Evans."

Silence. Sirius made absolutely no sound. James hated silence, especially after tonight.

"Never mind," James muttered, smacking his fist into his desk, "I shouldn't have told you."

Sirius rushed to his side, digging his hand into James' shoulder, "Fucking hell James, this isn't—Andy is going to murde—"

"Dromeda." James chuckled sardonically, "If there is one thing I learned at dinner, it's that my future wife hate being called Andy."

Sirius said a few choice words about how he didn't care what she was called. Sirius pushed James a bit, walking away angrily sprouting a colorful moniker of sentences that happened to tell James how dim-witted he is. James was vaguely aware of Sirius throwing himself into the bed but James didn't bother looking up. He was too busy face planting into the desk.

"She was just so…persuasive." James muttered, thinking of Lily's dazzling smile

"So are veela but you don't see me meeting one for tea." Sirius replied from the bed. His voice was muffled so James figured Sirius had fallen headfirst into the pillows.

At least Sirius wasn't yelling. James knew it couldn't be too bad if Sirius wasn't yelling—but then again James was speaking to the King of family betrayal. James crumpled up his drawing and chucked it in the bin, feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"When did you see Lily?" Sirius spoke, voice no longer muffled.

James glanced over and saw his friends was sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing James. Sirius wore muggle clothes and probably looked out of place near James in his fancy dress robes. Sirius' wand was in his belt, attached to his side for easy access.

"I ran into her at Hogsmede." James answered, "She said she fancies me."

Sirius snorted, " yeah, I know." James was surprised to see a knowing smile on Sirius' face, "She told me about five months ago."

James didn't know what to say. Sirius picked at the bedspread carefully, avoiding James' questioning look. Lily had fancied him five months ago. James didn't know if that made the situation worse—or better. James clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth angrily.

"How did you choose Sirius?" James asked softly, "Your family, they're nuts, I know, but you knew the consequences of leaving."

Sirius sniffed, "I figured living as an outcast for the rest of my life was better than living a lie. If I had stayed, I'd probably be in the Death Eaters with Reggie now."

James glanced at Sirius, who never spoke of his little brother who had dropped out of Hogwarts four months before to join forces with the purist elite. Sirius' hair was covering his face so James couldn't see his expression but James assumed it was disappointment. Sirius finally looked at James, face set and determined.

"James you can't be like me, you can't. I had nothing to lose because my family didn't care about me—a _lot_ of people care about you." Sirius' tone was sharp and James detected a hint of jealousy.

"I care about you." James argued quickly, "And you're a lot happier without them."

Sirius stood up and jumped off the bed, looking forlorn, "Nobody is ever perfectly happy, mate."

James poked at his glasses and went up to straighten his wizard hat. The hat was gone, only the mop of his messy hair remained. James groaned, he'd dropped the hat at Andromeda's place. How could he have been so stupid? Hopefully it didn't mean anything to Aunt Dory.

As if on cue the door to his room opened and his Aunt walked through. She carrying the hat very hat James had dropped during his talk with Andromeda. James jumped up and took the hat from her. Dory handed him the hat, and a letter, still cold from the frosty air outside.

"This came moments ago." His aunt said, eyeing Sirius and James closely, "What's going on?"

Sirius shrugged, "Just talking about the dinner."

Aunt Dory didn't seem convinced; her white hair was sticking out of her bun. She went to sit down on James' bed, moving slowly and carefully.

"And how did dinner go?" she asked, almost knowingly, as she lowered herself into James' mattress.

"Fine." Both boys announced simultaneously.

Aunt Dory looked even less persuaded. James quickly decided to open the letter. He threw the envelope on the floor and unwrapped the parchment. It wasn't Andromeda's handwriting, it belong to her father. James read aloud to his audience.

_Mr. James Potter,_

_I look forward to our next conversations when you join our family for Boxing Day tea. I've enclosed your father's wizard hat. Let's hope one day you can fill it and more._

_Cygnus M. Black_

When James finished Aunt Dory cleared her throat irritably. Sirius looked angrier than Aunt Dory, pacing back and forth beside the bed. Dory's face was red and her wrinkled hands clenched in her lap, white from the pressure.

"How _dare_ he." She stood up, "You are twice the man your father was."

James stared at his Aunt with shock, not sure if he should be offended or pleased with her comment. Aunt Dory hurried to his side and patted his arm daintily with her wrinkled hand. Sirius was still pacing and James heard a slight snarl come from him.

Mr. black was still playing the game. He was telling James what to do just like everyone else. He was telling James he needed to be better than his parents. James looked at the hat in his hands, had it belong to his father? James flipped the brim up and saw his fathers initials embroidered into the rim.

"I didn't know it was his hat." James muttered childishly, shoulders dropping.

"Oh James dear," Aunt Dory whispered, "Dinner didn't go well at all, did it?"

**~~~Lately I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be~~**

"You aren't going." Sirius hissed as James pulled on a stiff jacket he'd borrowed from Sirius' assortment of muggle clothes.

It smelled like smoke from his cigarettes so James quickly tried a refreshing spell. It only a worked a little because James could still smell the smoke. James checked his hair in the mirror but didn't bother trying to fix it. He reached for his wand on the bed and stuck it in his back pocket lazily.

"One time." James commented, "I told you, I'll get her out of my system and no one will ever know."

"She won't like that." Sirius said fiercely, "I know Lily."

James felt a bit of annoyance at Sirius' implying tone. James was still a bit concerned that Sirius had known that Lily fancied him but didn't bother saying anything. James was also jealous that that meant Lily and Sirius had talked more than once about James. Still, James had spent time with Lily as Head Boy so maybe he was just reading into things too much.

"I do too." James spun on his Sirius who sitting on the desk and smoking a cigarette.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "James, I know I can't exactly tell you what to do—but think of your Aunt."

"_Our_ Aunt." James reminded Sirius, "And she stills loves you despite all you've done."

Sirius blanched, "The woman hates me. She only puts up with me because of you."

James started walking for his door, energy high. Sirius made a disagreeable sound and jumped off the desk, reaching out to grab James' sleeve.

"Prongs, I know you and one date with her—" Sirius shook his head, sadly, "You need to remember, Andromeda is trusting you to be smart about this alliance. Dory trusts you. My Uncle will torture you if he finds out you've been seeing a muggleborn." Sirius' voice lowers for dramatic effect, "And what do you think will happen to Lily if you two are caught?"

"That's why I'm not going to get caught." James ripped away from Sirius, "I'll be back soon. I'm taking her to coffee in Blackpool. Two hours. That's all."

"Be carful." Sirius hissed after James who grinned and tiptoed down the stairs.

Aunt Dory was in her study writing, as always. James made his way to the front door and apparated, leaving everything behind him. Everything. Andromeda. Purists. The Alliance. James didn't want to think about anything but spending time with Lily.

It was harder to forget about Andromeda than he thought.

He found Lily waiting outside of the sweetshop just as she promised. He saw her before she noticed him. He marveled at how stunning she was even though Lily had on more clothes than Andromeda had worn at dinner. Her red hair fell in a braid down her shoulders and her cheeks were flushed pink. She was facing the way she had expected him to come from but James had gone a different apparation route today. He walked up behind her, poking her in the side.

She spun and a wide smile appeared on her face.

"Hi." She said cheerfully.

James couldn't help comparing her to Andromeda. Lily was sunshine and Andromeda was rain.

"Hello." He held out his hand for her to grab, "Ready?"

"Where are we going?" she asked, taking his hand in hers, clasping her fingers tightly around his hand.

James shrugged, "Anywhere in the world."

She remarked seriously, "You need a permit to leave the country James."

James chortled, "Okay, anywhere in England."

Lily shook her head up at him and he grinned, pulling her into his side. In a flash of a second they had left Hogsmede and ended up in a small quaint village by the coast. James had looked at his mum's old notebooks and found that she had visited this coastal town before on work travel and loved it. It was wholly muggle and James didn't mind that in the least. Lily looked around them, green eyes trapped on the ocean for the longest time before glancing back at him with curiosity.

"Where?" she demanded.

James shrugged, "Someplace outside of Blackpool."

"Interesting." She mused before pulling him along the road they had appeared on.

To the right was a small village and to the left were rocky beaches. Lily headed for the small town practically dragging James along. He enjoyed walking behind her though, because he got to watch how she moved. She was graceful, each step placed precariously. Her red hair was escaping from the braid and whipped around playfully as she examined the name of each shop until she settled on a seaside café.

They walked inside of the shop, hand in hand, and James had never felt so wonderful. Lily seemed to erase all his troubles, even though she was in the middle of all of them. They took a seat at a window booth, James tried to slide across from her but Lily made sure she was sitting right beside him.

"This is a date." She said with a gentle tug of his hand, "Remember?"

James had a hard time forgetting. This was a one-time thing. He had to go back to Andromeda and marry her in order to secure the family alliance. James had an interview with Magical Law Enforcement. James had a life picked out for him. James had to become his father.

Lily didn't know any of that.

Lily ordered them both eggs and a coffee. She marveled him when she pulled muggle money from her pocket and paid for both of them, smiling sweetly at the waitress, telling the server to have a great day.

"You should come to Hogwarts for New Years." Lily told him as she poured crème into her coffee, "Slughorn is throwing a party."

James smiled, "yeah?"

Lily nodded sipping her coffee, leaning comfortably against James, like she had no qualms in the world, "He finally got me to promise I'd attend, so now I'm obligated." She made a sour face, "Not enough crème." She placed her coffee down and started pouring more crème in until the mug was almost overflowing.

James drank from his mug, enjoying the pungent coffee taste on his tongue. He watched Lily as he took a sip of her coffee again, smiling when it didn't taste as bitter. She glanced at him sheepishly.

"I'm not much of a coffee drinker," she admitted, "but I'm weaning myself off of pumpkin juice."

"Pumpkin juice?" James asked with interest.

Lily nodded sincerely, taking another sip; "Once I leave Hogwarts my pumpkin juice supply is going to be cut in half—so I figured I'd better get used to that now."

James considered her for a moment, "Cut in half?" he asked skeptically.

"I won't be able to afford to drink it like it's water." Lily teased, "At Hogwarts the cups fill themselves. In real life, that doesn't happen."

James shook his head at her, grinning. She was a strange one that was for sure. The things she thought about weren't necessarily important, but they were. James slung an arm around her shoulder freely.

"What do you want to do when you leave Hogwarts?" he asked her.

Lily rolled her eyes, "You'll laugh." She accused him.

"Nah," James answered, pushing his mug away.

Lily snuggled into his side and he never wanted to get up from their booth. This was like a dream that James had been praying for since before he even knew Lily. He knew nothing about love but he knew that if he would fall in love with anyone, it would be the sheepish looking red haired witch at his side.

"Dragon trainer." She enthused.

He couldn't help it, he laughed. _A small little thing like her, training dragons?_ _She was absolutely mad!_ His laugh was short lived because he was grinning down at her with a goofy grin, teasing her with his diminishing look. Lily punched him in his side.

"I said no laughing." But she then giggled, "All right, I was joking. I want to work in Magical Law." Her eyes lit up at the mere idea, "Not Auror work but I hear they need Spell Breakers."

James felt his stomach drop and he stared at her with exhilaration, "Really?"

She nodded, fingering the buttons on her coat, "I want to work the muggle born cases."

"That's brilliant." He breathed, and then he got an idea, "I have a meeting with the head of Law Enforcement in three days. I'll let him know you're interested."

"What?" she perked up and twisted so she was facing him. She looked floored and hopeful. James marveled at the way her green eyes glinted with excitement.

"My dad worked for them, so they're seeing if I'd be a good fit for the team." James explained, "If they want a lousy bloke like me they need a smart witch like you."

Lily brushed a piece of hair from her face, staring at James with unbelievable ferocity, "You are not a lousy wizard."

James shrugged, only able to think of all the things that made him lousy. He was with Lily, which made him lousy. It would've been easier if he had chosen not to go with her. The problem was that James felt right near her. He would rather spend the rest of his days at her side—instead of playing a game of wits with purists.

"I'm certainly not the best." James said softly, raising his eyes to meet her.

Her expression became sympathetic, "I'm not an idiot." She answered, "My friend Angie—her parents made her stop talking to me in public. They're afraid she'll be targeted." Her voice dropped sadly, " we hardly talk now." She brought a hand up to her cheek; as if she was embarrassed she was even mentioning it. Then she side glanced at James, "_You_ haven't stopped talking to me."

Haven't. She implied that he would and it stung because he knew she was right.

Lily didn't play the games, she didn't care about status, and she was free. James knew Angelica, the girl Lily was talking about. Her mother was a Bullstrode and clearly wouldn't want her daughter hanging around muggleborns. Maybe if the war wasn't looming on the horizon Angelica's mum wouldn't have cared but things had changed. The world had changed.

James turned away from her to take a sip of his coffee. Lily moved her hand back down to her own coffee cup, red in the face. He wanted to assure that he was different but he was positive that he shouldn't even bother. Lily brushed a crumb off the table before nudging him with her shoulder.

"I told you I wasn't like the other purists." James answered finally, "Remember?"

"Sometimes you aren't like them." She corrected with a smile, "I won't ever forget how you dragged me behind a candy shop. Like I'm a common criminal." She twirled her hair, staring at her cup of coffee, "If anything I should be embarrassed of being with you!"

"What?" James snorted, "How so."

She raised her eyebrows in his direction, "You're a pureblood." She said slyly with an air of superiority, "I should be ashamed hanging around you. Why, you're practically royal!" she was teasing, her cheeks round from her smile.

"I wish you were pureblood." James answered, without thinking.

Lily's smile faltered for a half a second, so quickly James almost missed the disappointment in her eyes.

"I didn't mean—"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, "I _know_ what you meant." She cut him off.

Instantly, he felt ashamed by his observation. James figured he should at least tell Lily why he was acting the way he was. He didn't want her assuming anything. He promised himself it would be one date. One coffee. His coffee was low in its cup.

Lily was fiddling with her cup before she spun on him, "Come on, and lets go for a walk."

She started pushing him from the booth and he couldn't help grinning when her tiny hands pushed against his arm. He pushed out of the booth and Lily followed suit, straightening her coat and blouse. She grinned excitedly at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him out the door of the shop and into the streets outside. James checked his watch and saw that they had spent much longer in that coffee shop than he thought.

"We need to go," James said sadly before Lily could drag him off again.

Lily dropped his hand and frowned, "Why?" she checked her wrist where a silver wristwatch was glimmering, "It's only half past 8."

"I—"

But Lily had shrugged and wrapped her hand back in his, "Alright then, another time." She announced, smiling up at him and leaning against his arm.

James saw her search avidly in front of them for a path down to the rocky shores. She pointed to a small outcropping and James followed her gaze to see a small path heading down to there some ships were docks. She was smiling and her red braid was swirling around and creating whipping sounds against her face and shoulders. James wished he could have another go with her.

They split ways moments later and as he hugged her goodbye he wished he was brave enough to kiss her but for the first time in his life—he felt like a coward. Lily pulled back expectantly, her face inches away from his, as they stood wrapped in each other's arms. He shouldn't kiss her, not when he had a girl at home waiting for him to graduate so they can secure a family alliance. A kiss with Lily would mean something. A kiss with Lily would most likely pull James in so much he'd never back out. Lily's eyes watched him hesitantly as she leaned forward on her tiptoes and pecked the side of his mouth nervously.

James didn't dare breath and suddenly, staring down at her disappointed face he was reminded of Andromeda's face after dinner. When James had kissed Andromeda she'd burst into tears and now James felt like he was in Andromeda's place. James wanted to cry because he wanted what could never be his. The sad look Lily gave him when she pulled away from him only deepened the feeling deep in the pit of his stomach.

Lily was what he wanted but for the first time in his life, James was too scared to act.

"I'll write you?" her tone was complacent, "See you soon?"

"Soon." James whispered as she turned to walk away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She glanced back at him with interest as he stood staring after her until she disappeared behind a building to apparate. James didn't know what to do, whom to talk to, or where to go. He wandered slowly back to his Aunt's house, sneaking in the top window. Later, he claimed he'd been out with Remus when his Aunt asked him. His Aunt didn't believe him though; she sent him a concerned look when he sat later that night by the fireplace, reading a book. But he wasn't even really reading. Just thinking. Thinking about Lily. Thinking about Andromeda. Thinking about a way to make everything work out for everyone.

All he knew the next morning when he woke up for Christmas Eve was green eyes, red hair, and her laugh echoing in the back of his mind.


	5. Run Around The Rules

**Chapter 5:**

**A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest, **

**No matter where I sleep, **

**you are haunting me but I'm already there, I'm already there. **

**Wherever there is you, I will be there too.**

Christmas Eve started out a quiet affair. James woke up thinking about Lily, James tried to eat breakfast without thinking about Lily, James tried to sketch without sketching her.

He failed every time.

James was allowed to invite all his mates over and Aunt Dory didn't even heckle when Sirius showed up at her door. Instead, she hugged him tightly and passed him a small present that turned out to be a sneakoscope. Aunt Dory even had the house lves cook all four boys an elaborate lunch that they were now all digesting in James' room down the hall.

Sirius was kicking back against James' bed frame, playing with his gift by throwing it ingot he air slightly and then catching it. Sirius certainly looked like a member of his family, sitting on the bed above them all, staring down like a king. That was Sirius, he liked to overlook everything and observe people. He saw the little things other people missed. James admired that about Sirius because he didn't know too many people who could distinguish characteristics by one look.

Sirius' eyes were tried on Remus and Peter as they played a chess game. Outside the window a light snow fell which signaled that it would be a white Christmas. Sirius and James had just finished confessing about James' issues with Andromeda Black. James had left out Lily Evans, seeing as he probably wouldn't let that relationship get very far considering Lily's life would be on the line. James had already sworn to himself he wouldn't write her back if she wrote him.

Remus and Peter were having trouble understanding what was happening.

"She's your bloody cousin." Peter looked revolted.

"My family would marry brother to sister if it was still legal" Sirius reminded Peter, "Just think about that."

Peter made a disgusted face. James felt rather similar to Peter.

"So, let me get this straight." Remus commented steadily as he moved the chess pieces against Peter in an attempt to block him from the queen, "James is supposed to marry into the very family you couldn't wait to get out of, and you aren't doing anything about it?"

"James has more patience than I ever did." Sirius answered before James can get a word out, "He can marry Andromeda, be safe. I was never safe, I'd been defying them since I was a kid."

"James' mother was a proud deifier of the old ways." Remus said before adding the afterthought, "My parents loved her."

"Yeah, but James' dad kept the family safe." Sirius said, "He never let Mrs. Potter go overboard. James was safe."

James was quiet, he felt like a secondhand participator in the conversation as they spoke about his long-dead parents. His father had tried to control his mother; James had stayed up hearing many fights between them. James had learned both sides from his parents and he learned how to use both sides to his own advantage. Or he thought he did...

James remembered how well Andromeda played the game and he considered that he actually _didn't_ play the game as well his parents had.

"Safe from what?" Peter asked as he contemplated his move against Remus.

James picked at a scab on his arm and sniffed, "Are you thick wormtail?_ From what_?"

Peter scoffed loudly, "yeah, _yeah_," he waved James' comment off, "I know, you-know-who is after purebloods but honestly, I never expected you to play it safe."

Sirius yawned then said loudly, "Well, Prongs is leaving out the bigger problem."

Remus and Peter looked up from their game in interest. Remus brushed back his lackluster hair and frowned at James immensely. James didn't exactly know to what Sirius was referring but he had a guess. James hadn't told Sirius how well his coffee date had gone with Lily yesterday and he honestly hoped Sirius wouldn't bring Lily into this conversation. James didn't want to admit that his plan to have one date with her to end any possibility of a romance continuing failed dramatically.

"The bigger problem?" Remus asked.

He sounded mildly horrified. No doubt Remus had jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Sirius leaned back, sticking his hands behind his head in superiority since he clearly knew something the others didn't. James raised his eyebrows at Sirius and pondered if he should just speak now or wait for Sirius to explain the Lily factor. It was clearly where Sirius was headed.

"There's a bigger problem than James marrying his cousin?" Peter looked as if nothing could be worse.

Sirius nodded while feigning sadness, "I've been calling it Allergy Season myself, I've yet to meet anyone who has appreciated my sarcasm though."

Allergy season? James stared at Sirius, completely flabbergasted. Sirius looked positively trilled and his grey eyes were twinkling directly at James. He was taking the micky out on James. Clearly.

"What the bloody fucks are you on about?" James flared, frowning at Sirius who looked devious.

"Sorry?" Sirius noticed James' frown but he wasn't stopping his teasing.

"Allergy season?" James questioned, "Are you high off fairy dust?"

"Sirius you're daft." Peter looked disappointed at the direction of this conversation and leaned back over the chess set.

"I'm not. James has allergies to a certain flower. No matter where he goes the damn flower appears: Hogsmede, Diagon Alley, Hogwarts..." Sirius was rotten now; he had all three boys staring at him.

James looking ready to murder at Sirius' handling of the situation and Remus making side glances at Peter. Peter shrugged when Remus hissed for answers. The pair turned to look at James who shrugged and held up his hands. James hopped he could brush this all over without having to explain what Sirius was clearly talking about. James didn't want to discuss Lily Evans. James was trying to not think about her.

"I don't know what he's going on about." James lied to Remus and Peter.

Sirius sighed tragically, "Ah, that's the first sign. Memory loss."

"Sirius!"

"Mood swings. Second sign." Sirius healed up two fingers lazily.

"I will turn you into a pincushion you-"

"Would you two stop playing games and tell us what's going on?" Remus shouted, grabbing James' shirt when he launched up to go tackle Sirius. Peeved, Remus yanked James back to the floor.

"Before this idiot keeps going, I took Lily Evans out to coffee yesterday." James crossed his arms like a schoolboy in detention.

"I know." Peter looked confused, like this shouldn't be a surprise to any of them.

James looked bewhildered at his mate, "You _know_?"

Peter held up his hands in defense at James' venomous tone, "Woah, Prongs. Didn't know it was that big of a deal. She was telling her mates last night in the common room."

"You're back at Hogwarts?" Remus looked in interest at their little friend, "Holidays aren't over."

"Parents are fighting," Peter shrugged at Remus before looking back at James, "But as to Evans...I'm assuming you shouldn't be having coffee with her?"

"Not unless she wants her head on a silver platter at dinner in the Black family mansion." James mumbled, feeling irked.

Sirius meanwhile, was laughing so hard he was clutching his stomach, "_She's—she's_" he was gasping, "_telling everyone?_"

James shot Sirius a warning look before turning back to Peter, "What did she say exactly?"

Peter shrugged, "I wasn't really listening Prongs but she sounded happy that you took her out."

For a moment James was elated that Lily was happy she'd gone out with him. Then he rid himself of those feelings. If it got back to Andromeda's family that he'd been out with Lily Evans then James had better leave the country before the Death Eaters burst through his door and killed them all. It wouldn't matter if it was true or not—no one ever stopped to find out the truth about anything. Sirius was thrown out of his family for befriending muggleborns and lived each day hiding from his family. James knew that if the Blacks figured out where Sirius was actually staying Sirius would be in danger.

Imagine if the Black family found out he was taking muggleborns out for coffee. James didn't want to think about what would happen to Lily. They'd go after her, he was certain of it.

"I just can't believe she's telling people." Sirius looked positively beside himself, "I knew she was smart but this is brill, even for her!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" James hissed, glaring at Sirius, "She's going to get herself attacked in the Hallways at this rate."

Sirius ignored James. "She's admitting to going out with you." Sirius seemed to find this immensely hilarious, "Oh, this is just _brilliant_."

"I should've never agreed to coffee." James groaned, leaning forward to put his head in his hands.

Sirius spoke without laughing finally, "yeah, you really shouldn't have done…but you did. So how are you going to fix it?"

James shrugged, "Andromeda has pretty much affirmed that if I mess up she'll get sold off to the next best bidder and I don't want her sent to an daft idiot like Burke…so I can't just end it with her family. Plus, Aunt Dory is counting on this alliance to keep me out of the war."

"You can't stay out of a war." Remus scoffed.

"She claims we can." James answered sourly.

"What would Andromeda's family do to Lily if they found out you were with her?" Peter asked.

"Kill her." Sirius deemed quickly, without any thought, "My dad tortured the muggle boy down the road when he caught me with him."

James stared at Sirius in shock, forgetting how blunt Sirius could be in times like these. Sirius spoke so calmly about the things his family used to do—still did. It was like Sirius would rather treat the past like it never really happened. James wondered if that was the only way Sirius could deal with the horrors of his past. James knew Sirius partially blamed himself for the muggle boy.

Sirius sued to purposely hang out with the muggles near his house, one of the boys was teaching Sirius about motor bikes and Sirius found the boy in his garage the next morning on the floor. James had been there that day; he remembered the look on Sirius' face when he realized his parents must've found out. He remembered Sirius refusing help when the boy had to get taken to Saint Mungos. They'd swiped the memory of the muggle boy and Sirius ran away from his family that night. He couldn't take it, the puristic ways, any longer.

James' parents welcomed Sirius in and James had gained a brother. Sirius hadn't ever spoken to James about the boy again but James assumed they had been rather good mates. James knew Sirius went to see him about the motorbikes almost every weekend. James had joined Sirius for the first time when they found the boy cursed on the floor. Sirius didn't dare go back again for fear his parents would continue to harm the muggles.

If they tortured muggles for hanging out with purebloods…what would they do to muggleborn witches and wizards? What would people like Andromeda's family do to Lily?

James sighed and flicked at a piece of scone on his floor from breakfast, "This war wasn't supposed to last. It's not the bloody middle ages."

"It's only lasting because no one wants to stand up to him. Anyone who tries ends up dead." Sirius answered bluntly, "My cousin Tim tried—mum blasted him off the tree and he was found dead in his office a week later."

"I want to fight him." Peter said, a spark of defiance in his watery eyes.

James grinned at Peter, "Yeah, would be nice fighting the bad guys outside of Hogwarts."

"Have you ever thought that maybe," Remus muttered, "there's is nothing we can do about this war. What will happen if You-Know-Who wins?"

"He can't win." Peter stated optimistically.

"I'll get sent to Azkaban." Sirius sighed dramatically, "Or tortured to death."

James kicked at the floor, "I'll just be married."

"You'd be safest though by being married to the Black purists." Peter looked terrified, "All the muggleborns though, what'll happen to them?"

James didn't want to think about it because all he kept seeing was a pale body on the floor with red hair spreading like blood around her head. James knew that the possibilities of Lily being targeted rose a good percent if he kept going around her but James had a feeling that Lily didn't give a damn about any of that.

"Well," Remus spoke up loudly as if sensing James' sudden discomfort; "Let's finish this chess game before we have to leave. James' Aunt said we couldn't stay long."

"That's cause the family will start dropping by." Sirius said, "And you lot want to be far away from this establishment when that happens."

**~~~everyone regrets something: a choice, a lover, a win, or a fight and it's hard letting go of those regrets~~~**

Aunt Dory is starting to worry, James can tell. No doubt it was because the rest of the purist elite would drop by between now and Christmas. Aunt Dory kept her position in the families very neutral but one wrong move and she could be blasted off the family tapestry and labeled a traitor like Sirius. Once the boys left she was ordering the house elves around so much James was worried their little legs might fall off. He later found the old woman hanging more ornaments on the tree—despite the fact that the evergreen branches could hardly hold the amount of ornaments already on their boughs. His gaze flickers back and forth from the page where he's sketching to his Aunt. Her wrinkled hands are shaking as she moves the ornaments around to make room for more.

The lights on the green limbs create a halo effect around Aunt Dory's lightened hair. His gaze wanders back down to his sketch and he tries to create some of that shine in the tree he is drawing. Sirius had wanted to stay but with the high probability of any member of his family stopping by to wish Aunt Dory a Happy Christmas kept him far away. James was supposed to meet him tomorrow at Remus' for Christmas brunch. The only sound was the moving of ornaments and James' sketching.

"Mistress Potter?" An elf appeared in the doorway, bowing low, "You have visitors."

James stood up quickly, disposing his sketchpad on the cushion below him. Aunt Dory replaced a gold orb on the Christmas tree and glanced at James. James buried his hands in his pockets, waiting to follow behind his Aunt. His Aunt moved slowly, passing the house elf to head for the front door. She was moving swiftly, despite her old age. James heard her exclaiming before he even exited the sitting room.

"Why Angie dear, oh, and _look_ you've brought the boys."

James stopped in the hallway, leaning up against the wall beside a portrait. He crossed his arms with interest, trying to see who had come calling for their family. He keened his neck to see past his Aunts stooped form to see a woman with dark brown hair, tan skin, and blue eyes. Aunt Dory reached out to hug her and he spotted two boys. One of them was smaller and looked to be about five or six but the oldest James recognized immediately.

"Alexander couldn't come?" his Aunt asked the woman.

The woman sighed and shook her head, "Stuck late at work so I bundled up the boys to come visit."

This group was obviously made up of the Burke family. The younger boy looked like his father, James quickly developed a complex. The Burke's and the Potters were distantly related thanks to Aunt Dory but that didn't mean the two families got along well.

Aunt Dory, possibly related to everyone purist in the wizarding world, went to hug both boys. The older boy known at Hogwarts as Mitch, spotted James and nodded starkly. James didn't like the way his eyes were constantly narrowed, like he was planning something devious. James also thought his pointed nose made him appear snooty and unattractive.

"Potter." Mitch said, voice sounding scratchy and pathetic.

"Burke." James answered.

"You two know each other?" Aunt Dory sounded pleased, "Wonderful."

James could think of a hundred reasons why knowing Burke wasn't wonderful. The first problem was the kid was an idiot. The second problem was this was the kid Andromeda was going to marry if James pulled out. The third and final problem was that the kid was a pure bully. Mitch had been on the other end of James' wand more than once for bullying first years in the hallways at Hogwarts. Mitch obviously was reliving their disagreements as well because he sneered as he walked past and shoved shoulders with James purposely.

Aunt Dory welcomed the Burke family in, ordering the house elves to get some tea and biscuits out. James took back to his sketching at his Aunt and her guests talked. Mitch bragged about his possibility of getting head boy next year. James struggled to not laugh out loud since he knew Mitch would be the last on Dumbledore's list. The younger Burke was on the floor, playing with a model broomstick kit brought to him by the house elves. James didn't even bother catching the child's name.

James was bored, ignoring the voices, ignoring Mitch, focusing on getting the tree he was sketching to look real. He struggled with the lines creating the light rays from the flashing lights. Each line was painfully executed and then erased out of frustration.

"Dorea, you must tell me how you're planning on marrying James off to the Black's younger daughter. Druella had Mitch drop by to meet her you know." James perked up when he heard Andromeda's mothers name, "you'll never imagine what happened."

James lifted his eyes from his page; the Burkes were playing a game James didn't dare enter. Mrs. Burke had narrowed eyes like her son, watching Aunt Dory freeze in her seat. James suddenly knew why they had really stopped by, they were here to try and grasp how a hold of the situation his Aunt was. By Aunt Dory's frozen expression it was clear that the Potter family was hanging in the balance by a thin thread.

James dared speak up now, "I'd imagine Andromeda laughed even considering him as a proper husband seeing as Mitch is about as impressive as a hinkypunk."

The little boy on the ground giggled and Mitch stood up, fists raised. James smirked and just lifted his eyebrows at the boy with a challenge. Mitch was shite with a wand. James could take him blindfolded.

"_James_!" his Aunt whispered horrified.

"Quite the contrary Mr. Potter." Mistress Burke stated coolly, placing a hand on her son's forearm, "You see, they're impressed with the fact that Mitch here is actually offering her marriage. Something you have yet to do."

James scoffed, Aunt Dory stood up and pointed at the door, "James, leave. Now."

"Fine." James grabbed his fallen quill and shot Mitch a sneer, "See you later git."

"Fuck you." Mitch spat at James as he walked out.

James waited for his Aunt to come chastise him. He knew he'd probably stepped out of line. Merlin, if that had been his mum she would've blasted his front ends off without hesitation. Yet, Aunt Dory never came to his room to shout. He heard the front door open and close some time later but even still Aunt Dory ignored him shut away in his room.

James grew impatient waiting for her to yell at him. He finished sketching the tree. He found a hidden stash of his firewhisky. He finished it. While he was digging to hide the bottle under his other trash he spotted a crumbled up piece of paper. He recognized it and pulled it out to smooth it out on his desk. It was his sketch of Lily, unfinished, but it still had that expression of pure joy on her face that he already missed. He had promised himself to not write her, cut her cold turkey, make it so that she never happened. It would be easier that way, with no attachment.

It was the sound of Aunt Dory's dejected voice that broke through James' conscience...

James made his way to the sitting room and it only took about five seconds for him to regret the entire night. Aunt Dory was sitting on the couch, looking much like his mother would after he had done something to disappoint. James didn't know what to do because he certainly wasn't saying sorry. Burke deserves much worse than being called a hinkypunk. James had been rather nice, in all truth, but he'd degraded a guest in Dory's house and Dory would not take that lightly.

Still, she was really his only family left.

"I'm sorry." James says as quickly as a possible, "I just get so tired of them talking like that and—"

She placed a finger on her mouth, telling him to stop talking without actually telling him to shut up. James knelt beside her, trying to not glance at the portrait of his parents on the wall. Too late, his eye quivered at the sight of their disappointed faces.

_They are just a portrait. They don't know anything._ James reminded himself. _Looking at that old thing won't give you all the answers_.

James sighed and remembered that they trusted Aunt Dory enough to make her James' godmother. Even if he didn't agree with everything Dory did or didn't do, she was really all he had left for family besides Sirius.

Aunt Dory brushed her hand against his face. James dared look at her.

"James, you have to be more carful with your actions." Her tone was soft but demanding. "Mr. Black, he thinks you're a _sympathizer_."

James shook his head, "No, Andromeda—"

"Doesn't have any choice when it comes to her father."

"He needs my blood." James assured her, "And Andromeda—she's a sweet girl." James felt like he was lying to himself. There was only girl he was thinking about.

It was like his Aunt saw right through him.

"You don't want any of this." she whispered, "I know that James. No, _look_ at me." James had tried to look away but she held firmly to his chin, "but when your parents died I swore when I took you in, I swore I'd make sure that you'd make your parents proud. I promised your father I would keep you safe."

James blinks. His mother had been first, the healers said it was dragon pox but the way it detrained her body…James had only guessed she'd been poisoned. Maybe James was looking for something to actually take him mom besides something as simple as Dragon pox. His mum had seemed so strong that he never imagined something so simple could take her. James watched his mother get eaten alive from the inside out until the day she was buried.

James' father was next and James watched as his father deteriorated without his wife at his side. That's when James' father told James about you-know-who building up an army of purebloods.

"You have to make a choice now." His father had warned one stormy night, "There is a war coming."

James understood the choice his father wanted him to make but when James was fifteen he had no idea what his father had tried to tell him on his deathbed. Things hadn't seemed so dark back then. The healers said his older parents had just succumbed to Dragon Pox but today with the war looming James questioned that theory.

James had known his Aunt was stricter with the rules of blood purity because she was of a Black descent. James' mother had wanted James to go stay with her sister but James' father had disagreed. When his father passed James was told he was going to live with his Aunt. James knew his father had picked Aunt Dory because of her status. James had been worried but he found she wasn't that bad—until the rumors of war turned up on their doorstep.

When the first whispers of an alliance came through the grapevine—before James had any say—Aunt Dory was planning to marry him off to the best possible match. Andromeda was the match she made and here James was, stuck in a dilemma that included the woman he was supposed to marry and the one girl he wasn't supposed to like because of her blood status.

"You have to marry Andromeda now James." His aunt whispered, "I've heard your name far too much in the rumors circulating the purists to make me feel safe about you."

"Andromeda says her father will marry her off to Burke if I don't marry her." James commented, "but my father once told me to make a choice."

"You're a pureblood." His aunt sat up straight, "You don't get a choice. Do you think I did? Your parents raised you up to believe you had a choice James…they loved you too much to tell you the truth." She grabbed his shoulders with her frail hands and shook him a bit, "You will never, ever, be able to marry out of love."

James sniffed, "My dad did."

"Your father got lucky the Bones were a respected family in the Ministry," Aunt Dory pointed at the frame of his parents, "James, the Bones lineage isn't legit any longer. You need to keep the legitimacy of your blood by marrying the next pure and that's the Black family."

"And if I don't?"

"Hell, you are as stubborn as your father." She cursed, rubbing her wrinkled skin furiously, "James you don't have a choice!"

James spoke harshly, "Sirius dropped out of the family and he's still breathing."

"Clearly you are forgetting all the people he hurt in the process of his little rebellion." Aunt Dory grabbed James' hand as he stood up angrily.

James sighed in frustration and ruffled his hair with his free hand not in Aunt Dory's grasp, "What do I do? I don't want this!"

Aunt Dory stood up, struggling on her weak limbs, "James, you have too. There is no other way."

"How do you know?" james asked painfully, "What if there _is_ another way?"

"What are you suggesting," Aunt Dory scoffed, "Joining the muggleborn rights campaign? You'd be targeted _instantly_ and killed. Along with any of your friends."

James curled his fists, "Sirius does it."

It was true. Sirius had gone to multiple protests. James had longed to go with him but his duties to his family had kept him in line. Even James' mother had told James to be wary of those protests and she was for muggleborn rights. James had wanted to go after he once heard Lily Evans taking about reform for muggleborns. Lily loved that kind of politics because she wanted to change the world. She wanted purists like James and muggleborns like her to live in peace without war. James hated being seen as the bad guy because he belonged to the purist elite. He wished he were more daring like Sirius, less caring, so he could protest.

"If Sirius is not careful," Aunt Dory warned, "He's going to end up in Azkaban—or dead."

"Anything is better than pretending I give a damn about blood purity." James responded.

"James!" his aunt looked shocked, and she looked around like someone had bugged the house and Death Eaters would pop in out of nowhere.

James rolled his eyes and his Aunt just sat there in disbelief. It was the sound of the front door opening that made them both turn away from facing each other. Sirius walked in, arms heavy with presents and he looked gleeful.

"Presents from well wishers!" he announced but then he saw their faces and he sobered, "What happened?"

Aunt Dory looked flustered, "Sirius, I told you to stay away! You're family—"

"Let them visit." Sirius answered, "I'll tell the lot of 'em to fuck off."

James grinned for the first time that night as Sirius walked over and placed all but one of the presents under the tree. Sirius kissed Aunt Dory's flat cheek before throwing the gift in his hand at James.

"I was at Hogwarts with Pete and it was requested that this be given to you." he motioned to the gift now in James' grasp.

James turned over the wrapped present in his hands and saw Lily's recognizable curly handwriting and noted she had perfectly wrapped the edges despite the package being oddly round. James felt a skip in his heart and he glanced up at Sirius in surprise. For someone who claimed James would be better off without Lily, he certainly didn't discourage it either. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"There it is!" he said sadly, putting a hand on his hip and glancing at Aunt Dory like it was all a big tragedy, "The poor boy had allergies again."

"Allergies?" Aunt Dory had never looked so confused and she looked at the package in James' hands, "Did someone poison it?"

James groaned and chucked the gift back at Sirius who guffawed, catching it once it bounced off his chest. Sirius walked over and slung his arm around James.

"Do you think I'd ever let someone poison our dear James?"

"Stuff it Sirius." James threatened under his breath.

"Oh you both go upstairs incase Sirius' family does show up." Aunt Dory muttered, throwing her hands up in the air at both boys in frustration.

Sirius started dragging James away, hissing in his ear, "What were you two fighting about?"

"What do you think?" James hissed back.

"I'll send the house elves up with butterbeer." Aunt Dory's voice broke behind them.

"Well," Sirius mustered, glancing back behind them with a fake grin to Aunt Dory, "Whatever you said must've taken effect."

They made it to James' room and James slammed the door shut. Sirius launched himself back into the position on the bed he'd been in earlier that day. James took a spot at his desk and realized he left his quill and parchment downstairs. He would fetch it after Aunt Dory had gone to bed. James didn't fancy fighting with her anymore.

Sirius and James remained silent like both were waiting for the other to speak. Finally, Sirius spoke up.

"I spoke to Lily."

James stared at Sirius, mortified.

"I told her she needs to stay away from you." Sirius was watching James carefully incase James decided to start yelling at him, "Of course, she accused me of keeping you all to myself."

James, in the midst of his horror at Sirius speaking to Lily before talking to James, smiled at the thought of Lily snapping at Sirius so humorously. James flicked the side of his desk rhythmically with this thumb.

"What else?" James questioned, trying to feign his disinterest.

"I told her about the alliance."

"_What?_" of all the things James had been expecting Sirius to talk to Lily about the alliance was not one, "Why would you even-"

Sirius held a finger up before James could exsplode, "Of course, Evans was particularly angry but she came around."

James was fuming, "Sirius! She's never going to speak to me ever again!"

Sirius laughed, "That's what you'd think right? I thought I solved our problems."

James blinked at Sirius trying to comprehend what he was saying, "She—doesn't care?"

Sirius sniffed, "She _was_ rather adamant about me being an idiot for letting my best friend marry into my family…but when I told her all want is the best for you she said and I quote _'I want James to decide what's best for James'_ and something about having a choice…but I honestly lost track there for a bit because she was ranting on like an madwoman and I just—James?"

James was just sitting there staring at Sirius in disbelief. James couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Lily, wonderful, spectacular, _Lily_, wanted James to make the choice. Lily knew. Somehow she knew that Sirius would tell James exactly what she said. She wanted him to make the choice and she wasn't telling him what choice to make. She must understand how hard it was for James.

She must know he's struggling to make his own choices.

James never wanted to kiss her more than at that moment.

James was relieved she knew about Andromeda and the alliance; Sirius had done the right thing. James had to hand it to Sirius to always do the right thing—even if he picks a round about way of doing it. James knew that Sirius was waiting for James to yell on about telling Lily about Andromeda but James just felt relief at the burden being taken from him.

That made him sick to his stomach that he couldn't even talk to Lily about his problems because he was ashamed of them. Here Lily was, with death looming over her head and James was playing a game of politics. James pushed back his bangs grumpily.

"She probably hates me."

Sirius snorted, "Nah, She understands mate, a whole lot more than you probably remember."

James twisted his neck quizzically, "What?"

"Severus Snape." Was all Sirius had to say and James wondered how he could be so stupid.

James remembered Severus Snape, how could he forget? The idiot tried to take a swipe at James whenever they crossed paths. Even after James had saved the gits life he tried to curse James in the hallways because James spoke out against Snape's bullying. It was hard for James to remember that Lily Evans had once been a friend to someone like Snape. Lily was kind and Snape was cruel yet they had been friends until Snape had finally shown her his true colors.

Lily was exactly the type of person Snape wanted dead. James never figured why a guy like that would be friends with Lily's kind in the first place but James had a feeling that Snape harbored feelings for the pretty redhead. James knew she was popular with everyone she met, pretty to the core, and smart as a whip…she was everything Snape didn't deserve.

James also remembered Lily had been sad for weeks after Snape and her broke it off. He'd chosen his path and she'd been broken hearted because of it. James wondered if Lily was waiting for James to disappoint her as well.

He hoped not.

"How much do you like her?" Sirius asked, "I mean, I know you fancy her and she certainly fancies you but be realistic James. If you choose to try it with Lily…where would that relationship take you?"

"Dory and Andromeda say purebloods don't get to choose." James answered somberly, "That's why you left, remember?"

Sirius breathed out, "They say I'm crazy."

"You are crazy." James answered, "But I trust your judgment."

Sirius smirked, "James," he said, "Evans was right you know—_you_ have to decide what you want."

"I want to fight in the war."

Sirius looked proud but distant, "And Dory? Andy? What will happen to them?"

James kicked the desk, "Either way someone gets hurt. I choose the purists it hurts Lily. I choose the rebellion it hurts everyone."

"The choice was easier for me," Sirius admits, "I was never welcome in this world." He gestured around the bedroom, but spoke for the purist community, "James we were raised to believe we're practically royal but we're so much more than that." Sirius who normally never spoke too much on politics lowered his voice and his eyes became intense, "We can _be_ the revolution."

Sirius threw the package at James that Lily had passed on and James caught it, "I'm going to grab some sweets, I'll be back."

James stared down at the green wrapping paper and pulled at the tape precariously. He found his heartbeat quicken as Sirius left the room, leaving James with the gift. The wrapping fell away and left James with a small leather bracelet wrapped around a round ornament. James unhooked the leather bracelet and admired the carving of a bird of the top of it. He glanced down at the ornament it had been wrapped on. At first it appeared normal but then he saw ridges along the middle and using his fingernails he cracked the ornament open. A note popped out and he grabbed it with interest.

_James,_

_Congratulations for finding this note! It means you aren't half as daft as my friends think you are and I can finally be telling them the truth when I tell them you are actually quite bright. I like hiding notes because it makes me feel like a secret agent..._

_I didn't really know what to get your for Christmas but I saw you had another leather thing like this with a stag on it and I quite fancied it…so I bought you another. Sirius thought it was rather stupid when I showed him but I think he's just jealous. I'm sorry I'm not every creative with gifts. I just thought you deserved something since you are a fab head boy and everything. I hope you are still planning to come to Slughorn's New Years party._

_Happy Christmas._

_Always,_

_Lily Evans_

_PS_

_Thank you for offering to speak to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Good luck in your interview!_

"I brought the most candy I could hold." Sirius had reappeared with candy and butterbeer.

"What the fuck should I do about this?" He waved the letter in the air then slammed it back on the desk.

Sirius glanced at the letter casually, "Ugh, she added in that part about the you being a good Head Boy, didn't she? Suck up."

James glanced at Sirius quizzically, "What?"

Sirius grinned, "I was with her when she was writing it. And re-writing it. And proof reading it." he chuckled and popped open a bottle of butter beer to pass to James, "This was after I told her to stop talking to you since you were forging an alliance with my family."

"Clearly she listened." James said sarcastically.

Sirius answered, tossing the rinks and candy on top of Lily's gifts, "When has Lily Evans ever let blood purity get to her?"

Sirius had a valid point.

* * *

**Next Time:**

"If Andromeda doesn't love you then why bother?" She asked him with one eyebrow quirked.

"Her family is Sirius' family and incase you've forgotten they'll kill to keep their blood pure." James is speaking in vein, she's not actually listening.

"Sirius is alive and he ran away." she looked bored with his excuses and was leaning against the door, staring at her fingernails, "He ran away and now he doesn't have to worry about what any purists think."

"Look," James swallowed, trying to control his temper, "If I had any more control over the situation..."

Lily stares fiercely at him, "If you want this war to end you have to do something besides get married!"

"If I do anything on either side Lily, someone could die!" he grabs her shoulders, shaking her, trying tog et her to see his side.

"People are dying anyways." Lily answered angrily, face red with passion, "James, don't just be a purist puppet…do _something_!"

James feels an impulse to prove that he is doing something; he pushes against her frame, dragging her body into his and smashing his lips against her. His hands tangle into her hair and brush the long trends to one side of her head. She pushes against his lips with her own and he shivers when her hands skim his neck, moving slowly up and into his hair. The impulse James had felt when she yelled at him was replaced by a new impulse, one that tugged at his heartstrings and put his body directly up against her small frame.

Lily is leaning so far into him it feels like her lips are going to be molded to his forever. She drags her fingernails across his scalp and shivers climb all the way up his spine. That's when James realized he was doing the opposite of what he should be.

He breaks away from her, fully expecting to tell her it was an accident but Lily grins ecstatically at him and makes him loose his concentration again.

"Yeah," she was breathless and she looked at him like she couldn't ever get enough of him, "_That's_ certainly doing something."

Fuck.


	6. In Control Of Myself

**Chapter 6:**

**I'll be like this all my life a****nd all my children too**

**There's no point in saying this w****hen it's all the same with you**

**I don't even know what I said ****I'm not in control of myself**

**I don't even know where I stand ****because of how I was born and bred.**

"Happy Christmas!" James announced as the large oak door swung open to the cold.

Instead of Andromeda's face, Mrs. Black appeared and was dressed in a sparkling evening gown adorned with holly leaves. She looked surprised at James being on her front doorstep but a smile fluttered across her face.

"James." She says warmly, looking over her shoulder before returning her gaze to James, "If you are here for Andromeda I'm afraid she won't be here until later for dinner. She is at her place."

"Who is at the door—why Mr. Potter."

A chill of dislike went up James' spine when the front door opened wide. Mr. Black wrapped an arm around his wife who looked less than pleased that he had come to see the guest. James noted that they were both dressed in their Christmas best and next to them in his traveling cloak James felt underdressed.

"James came to see Andromeda." Mrs. Black told her husband, eyes downcast, "I told him she won't be by until dinner."

Mr. Black observed James with scrutiny; "You are allowed to join us for Christmas dinner if you wish to spend time with Andy."

"I'm spending Christmas with my Aunt." James denied his invitation with such grace Aunt Dory would've been proud, "but thank you for the invitation."

"You can go see her at her flat, I'm sure." Mrs. Black pushed out of her husbands embrace and pointed into the house, "If you come with me I can get you her address."

James glanced down at the gift in his hand. He would rather give Andromeda the necklace and be done with it. Aunt Doty was expecting him back and James didn't plan on talking to Andromeda for very long. There wasn't anything he wanted to say to her. James tucked the small package into his traveling cloak and allowed Mrs. Black to show him inside the house.

Mr. Black walked alongside James as they followed Mrs. Black into a study off the main part of the house. Large black columns rose in the room like trees and large mahogany desk sat in the middle of the room. The dark carpet only intensified the dark feeling James got from the room. He remained near the doorway as he waited to receive Andromeda's address.

Mr. Black spoke up, "When is your interview at the Ministry?"

"Day after tomorrow." James answered, looking up at the dark eyes of Andromeda's father bravely.

There was nothing kind when Mr. Black said, "Good luck." He raised his eyebrow, "Not that you need it."

"Thank you." James replied starkly.

"Here you go," Mrs. Black came bustling up and passing James a slip of parchment, "And would you mind doing me a favor and telling Andy to come early for dinner? Both her sister's husbands are coming and want to speak with her."

As James was shown out he glanced back to see Mr. Black's beady eyes continue to stare at James' retreating form. The man had made the comment _'not that you need it'_ like he believed James was going to get the job. James wondered exactly what Mr. Black's sarcastic tone had implied.

A light drizzle of sleet came down from the sky as James appeared in the village Mrs. Black wrote down.

"Andromeda lives on the east side of Shedsrick." She had told James with a frown before he had disappeared from the Black Mansion, "She says it's closer to her work but be careful dear…it's full of muggles."

There were two story apartment buildings that lined the streets like identical trees shooting towards the sky. Some windows glowed with candlelight for the Christmas season but Andromeda's place was dark, curtains placed over the windows. James figured it was to hide her magic from her muggle neighbors. James clutched the small jewelry box carefully as he ascended the stairs to knock on the front door. The only decoration was a wreath made of holly around the peephole. The lack of decoration didn't surprise James in the slightest. Andromeda didn't seem like the festive type.

"Happy Christmas." He announced when the door opened only to falter back an entire step in surprise.

Once again, the door was not opened by whom he expected. A man with fair colored hair and blue eyes peered around the edge of the door in interest, eyebrow raised. He took one look at James' robes and turned bright red. The man held his ground despite seeming nervous at James' appearance. James skewed his head in confusion. The man wore no robes and was dressed in a muggle sweater adorned with reindeer.

"Can I help you?" he asked, staring at the crest on James' neck.

"Is Andromeda home?" James asked, trying to peer around the man to see if Andromeda's slim form would come down the hallway.

"What's your name?" The man looked less enthused as soon as James mentioned Andromeda's name.

"I could ask the same of you." James grinned pleasantly, not wanting to start anything. James wondered if he had the correct address.

James didn't see any evidence of a wand on him, unless the man had stashed his wand in his back pocket. James pushed his glasses farther up his nose and waited for this man to speak again. The man glimpsed back behind himself, half inside the house and half outside the house. Then the man looked back at James the next in complete astonishment, moving so he was outside on the front step of the house.

The man questioned, "Andromeda?" as he closed the front door behind him.

James got a glimpse of a colorful hallway that didn't match the exterior of the house at all. James wondered who this man was because this was the same house number that Mrs. Black had given him. James would've thought if Andromeda were living with someone she would've mentioned it to her parents. James wondered for a brief moment there was a reason Andromeda lived around muggles…to keep her family at bay.

"Yeah, that's what I said." James stuck his hand out to the stranger, "I'm James Potter."

There was a spark of recognition in the stranger's eyes at James' name. James blinked slowly as the man appeared to be thinking deeply. The stranger let his blue eyes flicker back to the door of the house; like he was worried it would open at any moment.

"Andromeda had work." The man countered stiffly, "Are you a friend from work?"

"Work? On Christmas?" James crossed his arms, "Who works on Christmas?" James scoffed, finding this predicament more and more interesting with each passing moment.

"She likes to stay busy." The stranger answered, eyes tightening around the edges, "Have a good day, son."

James blanched at the man who had just written him off as a child. James straightened his posture as the man turned and tried to go back into his flat.

"Are you a friend of hers then?" James quipped quickly, grabbing the man's thin arm confrontationally.

The man tore his arms from James and turned the door handle to the front door, "Have a good day, sir."

James opened his mouth to argue but there was the sound of someone apparating directly behind the scene unfolding on the steps of the flat. James turned his head and felt the man beside him bend as well.

"James."

It became very obvious that Andromeda never expected visitors to come to her flat. James was sure she had picked to live around muggles to keep her family at bay. It was clever because James knew Andromeda knew her family would never be seen in a neighborhood such as this. Andromeda looks scandalized and she drops the package on the snowy path, eyes flickering back and forth between James and the man. James sees her eyes settle on the man a few seconds longer than they stay on him. She clearly knows the stranger and knows him well enough to send him a warning of a look before bending down to pick up the package she lost.

"Dromeda." The man spoke curtly, "How was work?"

Andromeda disregarded the flaxen haired man and addressed James with a slight bite to her tone, "James what are you doing here?"

James reaches into his pocket and pulls out her gift. He shook the small package in the air and Andromeda's eyes look kindhearted for a moment when she recognizes it as a gift. Her face goes red.

"Oh." She said at the sight of the gift, like she remembered something important.

James clenched his jaw angrily. The stranger was breathing loudly behind James and James almost felt like snapping at the man to leave him and Andromeda alone. Andromeda looked anxious.

James replied to Andromeda suspiciously, "Who is this?" he threw his head in the direction of the nameless man standing at the front door.

She looked away from James, at the ground, mumbling like a child. "Ted."

James glanced back at the man called Ted. The man was now leaning back against the front door, watching Andromeda with curiosity. He had his pale eyebrows so far up his forhead that they were almost lost in his hair that brushed over his forehead. Andromeda looked like she was turning into a turnip, she was so red. Her fingers wouldn't stop messing with the handles of the bag she was carrying.

"Ted." James tested the name on his tongue.

Andromeda added hurriedly, "I needed help paying rent."

James glanced back again at this man, he didn't recognize the fair hair from any family gatherings or from Hogwarts. Based on the accent James figured Ted was from the north. Ted looked entertained at the scene and was now smiling, despite his puzzled expression from before. James is positive Andromeda is hiding something now.

"Ted, could you put the groceries inside for me please?" Andromeda's voice is strained as she finally takes a step and spills the package into the arms of her flatmate.

Ted gives James one last look of interest before entering the flat with the bag of groceries. James watches him leave and gets another glimpse inside and he notices the walls are painted a light yellow and that there are pictures lining the wall. The door shuts. Andromeda tucked a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. James just stares at her, expecting an explanation.

Andromeda kicks the snow at her feet and James notices her face is still red. James wondered then if she was going to even try to explain. Another moment of silence and he knew that Andromeda was not going to come clean. Whoever this man was, Andromeda was clearly not going to talk.

Maybe he and Andromeda had something in common. James glanced down at the package in his hand and suddenly he felt even more like the entire alliance was a waste. It was clear that both he and Andromeda had too many secrets.

"Right." James held out his hand with the package, "So, here."

He shoves the gifts into her hands and Andromeda stared at him like she is about to barf, "What are you doing?" She asked, "Why aren't you running to tell my parents?" she steps forward and takes the present from him.

"Do I need to tell them anything?"

Her blush intensified, "No, of course not." She fondled the present in her hands, staring at it like she wants it to talk for her.

James knows that whoever is inside that house, that man, is not someone she is supposed to be with. James took a breath and wondered why Andromeda had the audacity to tell him that being around Lily was stupid.

"He's grand." James says sarcastically and Andromeda winces significantly.

Her fingers are tapping away at the gift James handed her. She was shaking and then she took a deep breath. James just stares at her. Andromeda moved her grey eyes to meet James' hazel eyes steadily.

She lowers her voice drastically, "He's not pureblood." Her tone implies that she knows James knows this, but she is waiting to see what James will do.

"I'm not going to tell anyone." James quickly holds his hands up in defense.

She doesn't look like she believes him and her lips are pursed as she looks back down at the snow.

"Dromeda." James is rewarded by a wide-eyed look when she glances up at that nickname, "I won't tell."

James is taken aback when Andromeda grabs his hand and fiercely drags him in for a hug. She squeezes him and he feels cold in her grip, it doesn't feel real. Her lips are at his ear and he smells the slight smell of lavender.

She whispered into his ear, "I'll see you tomorrow for tea at my parents place, correct?"

James holds her around the waist, keeping her close. He felt her shift uncomfortably at his tight hold. James draws back so he can see her small face.

"What would your parents do if they knew you were living with a halfblood?"

Something flickered in Andromeda's grey eyes.

"Please," she begs, "I'll speak later about this but it's Christmas."

"And you're spending it here—with him." James nods at the house and then stuffs his hands in his pockets, pulling away from her.

Andromeda looks guilty, "James I—"

"No." James stops her, snapping, thinking about Lily, "You told _me_ to be smart about this. Us. But you're living with someone without your parents knowing…a half-blood someone…" James is hinting at something, a romance, between the two and at Andromeda's actions James thinks he suddenly knows one thing about his future wife. She has been playing the game a whole lot better than James if he was just now finding out about this man. How many other people knew about Ted? James could only imagine what would happen if her father found out. Andromeda, however, pulled a stone cold look.

"What are you suggesting?" she looked affronted, "Clearly, I'm due to marry you."

"You can marry me and not have feelings for me." James countered back earning a frustrated look from Andromeda.

"Right, well, you're friends with a muggleborn." Andromeda retorted childishly, "I know you were lying about the red haired girl."

James licks his lips at the mentioning of the very girl he was trying to keep out of this whole mess. Andromeda's lips curve into a knowing smile at James' glance away from her.

"Imagine if I told my parents you were friends with a muggleborn."

She was desperate, James knew it, and she was threatening him for the safety of her friend.

For once, James found himself at a stalemate with Andromeda Black. They both wanted something they couldn't have. That much was clear.

James furrowed his brow, "No need to jump to conclusions Andromeda. I'm not going to tell your father and you don't need to tell him anything either."

She blinked, taken aback at his calm answer, like she had expected him to argue some more.

"Because no matter what we tell your parents or my Aunt it's only going to get people we care about hurt." James answered methodically, "I think you know that." He added softly.

Andromeda gazed past James at the house and her face was curved into a quizzical look.

"Yeah." Her answer was calm and for a moment James thinks he sees a softer side of the girl, then she glowered, "but it still doesn't matter." She straightens and stared down at James, looking more like her father than anyone, "Ted is just my mate. You and I will get married. Right?"

James wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up with Andromeda's constant change in behavior. He sighed and pointed to the present in her hands. He watched her swallow and he knew then that Andromeda was uncomfortable and just wanted James to leave her alone.

"Merry Christmas."

Her hard eyes became softer for a moment. She reached out as if to grasp his hand but then she turned back to the house.

When she goes inside James hears Ted's voice demanding voice, "Dromeda what the _hell_ was all that about?"

That was the moment James knew that Andromeda hadn't told her flat mate anything about what was happening. James had heard that wounded tone before in someone before and it made his chest feel heavy. Lily had sounded exactly like Ted when she asked James if he'd continue to write her over break. Unmistakably, there was more going on between Andromeda and Ted than Andromeda dared let on.

James went back to Dory's in a haze of confusion.

With a heavy sigh, James sends one look back at Andromeda's door before disappearing into thin air. He appears at the front of Aunt Dory's house, decorated in Christmas lights the house elves had put up. Despite the snow, the lights, and the tree shining in the window…Christmas celebrations seemed a world away.

"Where have you been?" Dory exclaimed irritably once James walked into the sitting room, "It's Christmas, James!"

"I was with Andromeda." James answered, "She says hello."

Andromeda had said much more than hello but James wasn't about to tell his Aunt about what he'd found out. The air in the house felt thick after James had been standing outside in the cold air for so long.

"Oh." Her tone is one of surprise, "Well, that's good."

He fell sulkily into the couch and stared at the twinkling lights on the tree with conviction. Unopened presents sat underneath the tree but James didn't even bother to see if any were for him. James wished he could talk to his parents because he wished desperately for someone's advice. James was positive he no longer wanted to be a part of the alliance between the Potter and Black families. He needed to talk to Sirius.

"Have you seen Sirius?" James asked earnestly from his spot on the couch.

"Not since yesterday." Aunt Dory answered, "His parents are coming for dinner tonight you know, and he probably knows to stay away." Aunt Dory gazes at James with suspicion, "why?"

James didn't want to have to wait until the morning to speak to Sirius; he needed his best mate as soon as possible. James couldn't tell his Aunt about the letter from Lily or how Andromeda was living with someone her parents wouldn't approve of. James rolled quickly off the couch and started walking out of the sitting room to his room so he could grab the two-way mirror that allowed him to communicate with Sirius easily.

"I've gotten out your fathers dress robes that the elves are mending now," James froze when Aunt Dory called after him, "You'll want to look your best tomorrow."

James wondered why Aunt Dory had gotten out dress robes and then he remembered that he was expected to be at the Black Mansion tomorrow for tea. James groaned internally as he thought about what a disaster that would probably be. James picked at the lint on his robes and hears the elves singing down in the kitchen. They were singing a holiday song that his mum used to sing to him as a little tyke. It calmed James' nerves a bit and he was able to answer his Aunt.

"Will you be joining us?" James glanced back to the sitting room where his Aunt sat alone by the Christmas tree.

"Probably." She mused, "I didn't much like the tone of Cygnus' last letter to you."

James paused at the obvious tone of concern in his Aunt's voice. It was true that the letter from Mr. Black hadn't been the friendliest, in fact it had been a tad bit sinister. James knew that Mr. Black disliked him the most of all the future prospects for Andromeda and James had a feeling the only reason he was even considered any longer was because Andromeda was playing the card that she wanted James when clearly James was simply the best option for her. Andromeda knew James wasn't like the rest of the purists and she knew she'd have the most freedom if she was married to him.

James stared at his Aunt who was observing him back. Her small silver ringlets fell over her wrinkled face as she gazed at him expectantly, waiting for him to argue that he didn't need a baby-sitter but James didn't dispute. Behind Aunt Dory, the portraits of the past Potter and Black families were watching around the room like guardians. The portrait of Aunt Dory and James' Uncle Charlus "Charles" caught his eye and James saw how blissful the pair was portrayed. His Aunt looked about James' age in that particular painting and he even saw a bit of where Sirius got his pointed nose.

"Did you want to marry Uncle Charles?" James asked somewhat abruptly, "Or was it arranged?"

"Arranged." Aunt Dory answered. She glanced back at the frame that heald her and Charlus' faces. "Charles had a pick between me and my older sister Cassie."

James was immediately taken aback, "You have an older sister?"

Aunt Dory nodded and sighed deeply, "You've never met her of course," she pointed to a portrait of a woman with long dark hair, "That's her. Now run along and get changed before Sirius' family gets here." Aunt Dory was clearly done discussing her past and she waved James off with the newspaper in her hands.

James didn't recall his father mentioning that his Aunt had a sister. James turned away from the sitting room and walked slowly over to his bedroom. Everything was just the way he'd left it this morning, clothes thrown over a chair in the corner, a broomstick in the other corner. The white walls were covered in quidditch posters given to him over the years. The players on the posters moved and gave James' room the impression of being one giant quidditch field.

James walked over to the large school trunk sitting at the edge of the bed, shutting the door behind him. James' Aunt didn't know about the two-way mirror and probably would've never approved of it. Sirius never mentioned where he found them but the mirrors had never the less been handy in the past. James dug through his school trunk, pushing aside old candy wrappers, to find his mirror at the bottom of all his school things.

"Sirius!" he said instantly, waiting for a moment before saying louder, "Sirius Black!"

For a moment all James saw was his own long face staring back at him and then Sirius' face appeared in the mirror, almost like a picture, but James knew this face was real. Before he could even get two words out, Sirius spoke.

"I was just going to ask you if you wanted company." He grinned good-naturedly, "Bored out of my mind, I am."

"Where are you?" James asked, trying to get a peek at the background but Sirius brought the mirror closer to his face.

"Out." He answered back, clearly avoiding the answer to that question, "Are you at Dory's?"

"Yeah, but your family is coming over."

"Tell them you have a dog."

Sirius' face disappeared from the mirror but James had known Sirius long enough to know what was about to happen. James slid open his door slowly, inaudibly, and bounded down the hall trying to remain silent. As soon as he reached the front door, James used his wand to unlatch the door noiselessly. James froze for a moment when he thought he heard footsteps behind him but when he turned nothing was there. James quickly opened the front door and the door made a loud creaking sound. James winced when he heard his Aunt call his name from the sitting room.

Suddenly a big black and furry shape rushed past James, down the hall and through James' open bedroom door. If James hadn't been expecting the dog he might've jumped. Aunt Dory appeared in the hallway with a glare at the open door.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed, "It is freezing James, shut the door!"

"Sorry!" James grinned good-naturedly, slamming the door shut, "Thought it might be dragons."

Aunt Dory sent him another less worried frown, "Would you please go change before the family gets here for Christmas dinner?"

"Course." James bounds back to his room, shutting the door quickly behind him and grinning at the black haired man sitting on the bed, "That was fast." He commented before dropping into the bed beside his best mate.

"I had a head start." Sirius answered with a replying grin, "but I _do_ think that's a new record."

James laughed for the first time all day before sobering again. James figured he'd start with the easiest thing to talk about.

"I saw Andromeda…"

"Yeah?" Sirius looked quickly uninterested at the change of topic, "How's that?"

James pulled a face like he drank a large cup of sour milk, "I went to her flat and she's living with someone."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, "A boy someone?"

"A non-purist someone. I think he's halfblood." James testifies.

Sirius bit his lip and itched his cheek, "She's not seeing him is she?" Sirius is processing the information slowly.

"I don't know?" James nudged Sirius in the stomach with his elbow, "Considering she was really worried I'd go to her Father, I'd say he's pretty important to her."

"I'd be worried if any of my mates were on the wrong side of Cygnus Black," Sirius made a very critical look at James, "Why did Andy say she was with him?"

"Needed help with rent." James answered with a snort.

"Bullocks." Sirius scoffed, "The woman obviously likes him if she's living with him and keeping him a secret." Sirius looked positively irked, "And what a hypocrite move telling you not to get in trouble but then turning around and getting herself back into the same problems she's had to work her way out of before."

James had forgotten that Andromeda had been known to talk to people not of purist status.

James fixed his glasses as he nodded in agreement with Sirius, "Honestly, I don't know what to make of her," he thought about her warnings, "She knew that Lily and I were mates and warned me to stay away from her but then it turns out she's got a secret mate?"

"What's his name?" Sirius asks, leaning back on the bed.

"Erm," James thinks hard, "Ed? Ted! She called him—"

James noticed that Sirius had become stationary at the name. James widened his eyes at Sirius' look because it was one of comprehension. Sirius knew something about Andromeda's flat-mate. Sirius jumped up off James' bed and started pacing back and forth with his hand on his chin like he's contemplating something.

"What?" James wondered for a moment if Sirius was going to actually tell him why he was pacing.

Sirius held up his hand in frustration as he repeats his continuous pacing. It became clear to James that Sirius is either not going to tell or that Sirius is unsure about Ted's name and is trying to place it. Finally, Sirius stopped pacing and eyed James gently. It was like he was preparing to curse James without warning.

"Look," he started warily, "Don't get mad Prongs…but…I know him."

"I figured." James answered smoothly, "Who is he?"

"The bloke she got in trouble for seeing all those years ago," Sirius was watching James, waiting for anger, "The muggleborn…his name was Ted. I'd remember that name from anywhere, my mum was cursing the name to the high heavens when she wanted to blow Andromeda off the family tree."

James stared at Sirius in alarm rather than anger, "You're sure?"

Sirius nodded from his spot in front of James. James picked at the bedspread, deep in consideration. All those games Andromeda was playing, if Sirius was right and the man she'd been caught with ages ago was the same man…that meant that Andromeda was playing a two-way street in this war. It meant that Andromeda Black was a sympathizer.

Sirius still watched James for signs of irritation and when James still hadn't spoken Sirius said boldly, "It looks like Andromeda isn't the only one in this alliance who is trying to protect a muggleborn."

James clenched his teeth together at what Sirius was suggesting. He sent Sirius an unashamed look.

"I'm not in this alliance just to keep Lily safe." James countered, "Andromeda's father would torture anyone I had connections with and now that Andromeda might be lying as well—"

James was sure that if this were Andromeda's second offense with a muggleborn there would be worse consequences than getting blasted off the family tree. James irately tore his hands through his already messy hair and tried to figure out why on earth he'd agreed to play along with this purist game in the first place.

And Lily.

James should've never even spoken to the girl. Ever. He should've played the game better than anyone else, ever. If he hadn't have been so selfish and wanted to go out with her despite the penalty. He shouldn't have been so stupid to think that one little day spent in her company would be enough. He shouldn't have dragged her into this and he should've stayed away like Sirius suggested in the first place.

James opened his eyes and saw Sirius staring at him knowingly.

Sirius' grey eyes sparkle with a perceptive smile; "If you didn't want to keep Lily safe you would've walked out on Aunt Dory the moment Lily told you she liked you more than as just a friend." Sirius rolled his eyes, "Besides, Lily is stupid about you but she's brilliant and if you just tell her to back off I know she—"

"I'm not going to tell her to back off." James answered quickly, eyes fierce.

Sirius looked tentative, "What?" Sirius took a step back.

James licked his lips; "I don't want to do this anymore." He felt his voice lower from habit.

Sirius analyzed James closely, "You don't want to do what anymore, exactly?" he asked like he was selecting each word carefully.

"The alliance. Purists. All of it." James answered, throwing himself back into his sheets, "I hate it. All of it! My mother and father couldn't have known what my Aunt would want to do once the war started!"

"Your mum certainly wouldn't be happy with this alliance but your father would've approved of Andromeda." Sirius answered. He was still watching James with hesitation, "James, I know I can't tell you what to do but if you run away now, there are going to be awful costs."

James slammed his fists on the sheets, "I know that, but I don't want to have this on my shoulders anymore!" James rolled over onto his stomach, feeling the same anger from earlier resurfacing.

"What do you want?"

James thought about that, what the hell did he want?

Freedom.

James wanted to make his own choices and not have them thrown at him by his family. James wanted to be able to date whoever he wanted to date and hang out with Sirius whenever he liked. James wanted to fight in the war and make the world safer for everyone. James wanted everything but while he was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling everything felt so far away.

"I'm done pretending James," Sirius then spoke.

Sirius came around the other side of James' bed so that they were face to face. James stared at his best friend in interest. Sirius threw his hands up and goosebumps rose on James' arms.

"I've tried to stay neutral around you because I _know_ you care about Aunt Dory and you feel a responsibility to do right by everyone." Sirius dropped his hands now, looking at James guiltily, "but I also know that you _aren't_ this person. Your parents raised you right and I know that in spite of Mr. Potter's old fashioned ways—they both would've wanted you to end up making your own choices."

"Even if my choices put other people in danger?" James questioned.

Sirius sighed, "Everyone's in danger Prongs. This is a war."

James didn't answer. Everyone was in danger. Andromeda and her friend Ted. Aunt Dory and James. Lily Evans was in more danger now than she had ever been because she was open about her feelings for James.

Sirius spoke again, "I—"

"I'm going to see Lily."

James stood up and grabbed his wand out of the inside of his robes, a determined look on his face. Sirius instantly looked worried.

"James that's not what I—"

James put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, "How much time can you give me?"

Sirius just looked miserable, "I'm not going to cover for you for this one Prongs."

"Why the hell not?" James shouted and then winced when he realized his Aunt had probably heard that.

"Because," Sirius hissed, glancing partly at the door that lead to the rest of the flat, "Lily is my friend."

There was a knock on the door.

"James?" Aunt Dory's voice called, "What are you doing in there?"

"Getting dressed." James called out, "I'll be out in a moment."

They waited until Aunt Dory's footsteps disappeared down the hallway. James glared at his best mate.

"She's your friend." James countered under his breath, "Yeah, sure, okay. What the hell has that got to do with me sneaking out for an hour to go talk to her about all of this? If what you are saying is true and Ted is running around with Andromeda behind my back-" James' voice was steadily raising.

Sirius pushed at James' shoulder roughly, grey eyes dark, "Because I know what she's going to tell you already—and you won't like it."

James' brown eyes narrowed, "Yeah?" he said sarcastically, "And how do you already know what Lily wants to tell me?"

"Because I was at Hogwarts just now and James—she is not playing the game." Sirius grabbed James by the collar and started dragging him away from the door.

James never realized that Sirius was actually really good mates with Lily. The more he considered it, the more it seemed to make sense. The pair could often be seen laughing together in passing, James hadn't really thought any about it because most people laughed around Lily but now, piecing everything together, he realized that the reason Sirius had the present from Lily, the reason he knew any of this, was because he and Lily had been talking and the main subject had clearly been James himself.

Sirius threw James into the bed and pointed his finger at James roughly, "Listen to me." James opened his mouth to argue, "No _listen_, Prongs."

James let his eyebrows raise so much he mused they'd probably be stuck in the middle of his forehead for life after this. Sirius lowered his voice, hair swinging into his face when he leaned forward towards James.

"Lily wants you and her. No games." Sirius' voice was level despite the harshness in his tone, "You have to make a final choice James, with no jumping around."

James frowned considerably, "You need to stop."

"What?" Sirius scowled.

"Stop making the lines blurred. Don't go to Lily. Go to Lily. Be with Andromeda. Your parents would be happy either way." James mocked Sirius' tone and Sirius winced, "Padfoot, you used to be the type of mate who would say fuck it all and do whatever the hell I want despite the risk!"

Sirius swallowed and looked guilty. James continued.

"And I know I used to be the same type of bloke who would fuck the system—but ever since my parents died it's been you and Aunt Dory giving me advice. Aunt Dory over here—" James lifted one of his shaking fists to the left "and you stuck in the middle. You _never_ give me a straight answer!"

"I want you to make choices for yourself!" Sirius hissed, falling into the bed beside James, "If I told you to fuck it all and go after Evans and then Aunt Dory died because Andromeda's father decided to take it out on the old woman—"

James smacked Sirius' arm at the mere mention of Mr. Black hurting old Aunt Dory. There was no more talking. James sat there silently brooding, occasionally clearing his throat angrily. Beside him Sirius sighed.

"You know what?"

James turned to his mate, "What?" James saw a flicker of mischief in his best mates eyes.

"You are right."

James was taken aback at Sirius actually admitting to being wrong. Sirius took his wand out of his pocket and placed it on James' bed with flare. James wasn't really sure on what front he'd been right about but Sirius was clearly about to say.

"Ever since your parents died I told myself I wouldn't make you choose between their world and mine. I told myself that Aunt Dory was right. I told myself this life was better for all of us."

James hadn't seen Sirius like this in a long time. Sirius stood up and started walking, waving his hands around vividly. James stood up too, trying to gauge where Sirius was going with this sudden burst of energy. James jumped up off the bed, sensing a plan forming.

"I was wrong." Sirius spun, grabbing James' arm, "This life—it's a _prison_ sentence for you and Andromeda. No matter what happens you two are only ever destined for a happily ever after with only each other but you and Andromeda deserve a real happy ending—not a fucking _sick_ marriage fabricated for politics and blood purity."

"What are you saying?" James alleged, as Sirius unlatched his fingers from James' arm.

Sirius got a roguish look, "You know what I think of this alliance?"

For the first time in ages James felt the same mischievous smile lift his face, "What?"

"It's bullshit." Sirius spat, he looked positively thrilled, "I've wanted to say that since Aunt Dory told you about this entire ridiculous scheme."

"You're serious?" James was hesitant, Sirius had often spoken words but never truthfully, "You aren't playing?"

"I'm dead serious." Sirius grinned, looking years younger than he had in ages, "No more blurred lines James. Fuck all of this." He opened his arms to the bedroom like it was the cause of all their troubles; "We're going to figure out how to get you out of this world. Get you out of the alliance."

**~~~all the things I do and say, they come from someone else~~~**

James wasn't supposed to be at Hogwarts and if one of the teachers spotted him running down the hallways there would certainly be trouble. Students had to request to stay on grounds over holidays since there weren't as many people there to watch them and James himself had been the Head student designated for the task of approving or declining students to stay on the grounds. Of course, if it were old McGonagall that found him roaming the halls he'd probably get away with it. James was sure that despite all the trouble she gave him in class, he was her favorite student.

James climbed the familiar staircases. Sirius had only promised James an hour tops of a diversion. James didn't know exactly what Sirius was doing at the old flat but it would be enough for Dory to be too busy to worry about her nephew.

Portraits follow James' quick movements up the staircases to Gryffindor tower where he was certain he'd find Lily. Sirius told James that that was where he'd last seen the red haired girl. James' hands skimmed the chilly wooden banisters as he skipped two steps at a time. He wasn't even sure what he'd say to her.

"Well, well, well," her voice cut through the stillness of the castle, making James miss his final leap to the final landing and slipping, falling with a loud 'smack' to the floor.

Moaning, he looked up. Lily was leaning against the long banisters at the top of the stairs. James was stunned to see a male with thick brown hair leaning beside her. James was certain he's never seen the man before and rapidly adjusts his glasses, trying to get a better look.

"No running on the stairs." Lily's voice teases as she bends down to her knees, brushing her school skirt over her legs and frowning.

"Mmmph." Came James' reply and then he stood up, dusting off his robes and glancing at the male.

The stranger's face was round and freckles dotted along his nose line, which made him appear younger than he clearly was. James noted that his robes were a white and had an insignia on them. This man was a Healer so he had to be five years or so out of Hogwarts. Lily was standing again, away from James, but her eyes were skimming him up and down.

"Hello," the man stuck his hand out to James, "I'm Justin Bones."

"James Potter." James answered, shaking the outstretched hand and seeing the flicker of recognition appear in Justin's eyes.

"Potter?" Justin's eyes flickers back to Lily for a second of a moment and James wonders instantly what the look is about, "You're marrying the Black's daughter Andromeda, right?"

Lily is looking at Justin with a set-in glare. Her red hair was pulled up and away from her face today but she took it down just as James glanced back her way. Her cheeks are slightly tinged red and James wondered what was making her turn the color of a beet.

"Why are you at Hogwarts, James?" Lily asked, she doesn't seem trilled that James has come.

James opens his mouth to say he was coming to see her but stops himself, glancing at Justin Bones. The Bones family had been labeled traitors by the purebloods but that didn't mean that Justin still didn't talk to other purebloods. As if sensing James' discomfort, Justin checked his watch.

"You know Lily, I've got to be heading back home. Annie'll be waiting since it's our first Christmas together and all."

"Of course." Lily hugs the Healer and waves him down the stairs with a, "Happy Christmas."

James grins and also waves the man away before turning and grabbing Lily by the shoulders. She seems surprised by his sudden attachment of his hands to her waist. James flashes her a smile, hoping to get one back as well.

Lily's green eyes are hesitant, "Don't look at me like that." She warned, "You've got to marry that girl and _everyone_ except me knew it."

James felt his smile disappear, "What?" this wasn't the welcome from Lily he'd expected.

She blushes even more, "Why'd you take me out for coffee?"

James feels his cheeks heat up from embarrassment, "I thought one date would be enough to forget about you."

"Ho—" She starts but James doesn't let her finish.

James pulls her in by the shoulders and plants his lips firmly against hers. Instead of the warm welcome he expected to receive she pushes away from him with a hurt look. James wonders if this is the same girl who wrote him the Christmas letter just yesterday. Then again, she'd had another chat with Sirius. There was no telling what she was thinking.

She was standing five feet away from him, keeping a respectable distance considering just a few days before she had been all but jumping him. James has a sneaking suspicion she was actually listening to Sirius, if he had told her to stay away from James. James just looked naively at her.

Lily knowingly places a hand on her hip, "How's the future wife?" her tone is condescending.

"Lily—" James says, pulling a hand through his hair irritably, "She's not my wife."

"Not yet." Lily quipped, "Don't play dumb with me either, Sirius told me everything." Her green eyes are analyzing James' small movements, narrowed in suspicion, "So why are you here? "

James shrugs, unable to find a suitable answer besides the fact that he had simply wanted to see her, coax a smile from her. Except for when he fell on the staircase, he hadn't elicited a smile from her yet. She was angry with him. That much was clear.

James lifted the sleeves of his robe and showed her his wrist. Lily's eyes lowered to the leather bracelet with the bird carved into it. Her eyes softened and James watched as a small smile fluttered across her rigid features.

"Sirius actually gave it to you?" she seems surprised, as if Sirius told her that he wouldn't give the letter and gift to James.

James dropped his wrist, "yeah,"

Lily pursed her lips and narrowed her almond shaped eyes, "Interesting. He failed to mention that earlier."

James wondered just what was so interesting. Had Sirius originally told Lily he wasn't going to give James anything from her? What had changed Sirius' mind? It was obvious Lily was trying to figure out the change in Sirius' play as well; she was circling around to the other side of James, eyes pensive.

"He told me you can't be near me or the alliance between the families will fall though." She states finally, crossing her arms across her chest, "But if he wanted to make sure you wouldn't come, he wouldn't have given you that gift."

James cleared his throat, "Sirius decided recently…as in two minutes before I got to Hogwarts…that I needed to make my own choices-"

Lily didn't seem surprised by his change in topic, "Oh yeah, that." She backs away and leans against the banister, throwing her hair with a tilt of her head.

Instead of looking excited, she was frowning.

"What?" he stepped forward, "What's wrong?"

She laughed next; it was sardonic and made him retake a step back.

"That interview at the Ministry you mentioned over coffee?" James instantly looked amazed that she mentioned the interview of all things. Lily put a finger in the air, "Ah," she pushed off the banister and came to stand directly in front of him, "Someone _told_ you to go to the interview at the Ministry. Didn't they?"

James wondered where this Lily was coming from. She seemed to be sizing him up, like she understood him more than she had before. James wondered exactly what made her think that someone told him to go to the Ministry, instead of choosing it himself. His eyes narrowed as he realized the only people Lily was coming into contact too, the only people who would know information such as that, were his supposed mates. Lily saw his expression changed to one of puzzlement. She stepped towards him.

"I always thought you were your own person James." She put a hand on her hip, exaggerating her next words, "People talk about you like you're some _hero_ because you're pureblood and you don't care…but they're wrong aren't they? You care enough to allow a poor marriage to go through and you care enough to go to a job interview that you probably don't even want!"

James glanced away from her annoyance, "That's not true." He muttered angrily, although completely, Lily had hit the mark. She was absolutely right.

"Yeah?" she cocked her hip, "So what do you want?"

_Why couldn't she see?_

He glanced back at her, "I want this war to end. I want people like us to have a chance."

Lily looked hurt then, "Why did you come here James?"

She turned away, something he said had made her sad. James tried to rack his brains to figure out exactly what he'd said wrong but he couldn't understand what words exactly had made her frown lengthen. She was turned completely away from him so that he could see her long hair curled over her shoulder, the way he liked it.

"You know they'd hurt you." He muttered, "The girl I'm supposed to marry, her family is Sirius' family and incase you've forgotten they'll kill to keep their blood pure." James is speaking in vein; she's not actually listening.

"Sirius is alive and he ran away." she looked uninterested with his excuses and was leaning against the banister, staring at her fingernails, "He ran away and now he doesn't have to worry about what any purists think."

James suddenly realized what the problem was, even though Lily wanted James to make his own choices, it was clear what choice she wanted him to make. James didn't know why he thought lily would be happy about all of this, James didn't even consider that maybe the whole thing seemed mad to her.

"Look, I came to tell you that Sirius is going to help me find a way out of the alliance." James swallowed, trying to control his temper, "I'd end it right now if I could. If I had any more control over the situation..."

Lily turns suddenly, facing him again. She still looked hurt, like no matter what James said words wouldn't make the situation any better. James shouldn't have come to see her; in fact he should've never even agreed to get coffee with her. It didn't matter though, because James knew that he was just going to be miserable if he didn't see her. He had something different with Lily, something real, probably the first real thing in ages.

No matter how much he tried to make it work with Andromeda he didn't feel anything with the girl, he only ever felt anything with Lily. Anger. Lust. Adoration. Those were the only words he could think of while staring down at her.

Lily stared sternly back up at him, "If you want this war to end you have to do something _besides_ get married and work a job chosen for you and _not_ be a puppet James!"

"If I do anything on either side Lily, someone could die!" he grabs her shoulders, shaking her, trying to get her to see his side.

"People are dying anyways." Lily answered angrily, face fired with passion, "James, don't just be a purist puppet…_do_ something!"

James feels an impulse to prove that he is doing something; he pushes against her frame, dragging her body into his and smashing his lips against her. His hands tangle into her hair and brush the long trends to one side of her head. She pushes against his lips with her own and he shivers when her hands skim his neck, moving slowly up and into his hair. The impulse James had felt when she yelled at him was replaced by a new impulse, one that tugged at his heartstrings and put his body directly up against her small frame.

Lily was leaning so far into him that it felt like her lips were going to be molded to his forever. She drug her fingernails across his scalp and shivers climbed all the way up his spine. He breaks away from her, leaning his forehead up against hers.

Lily grins ecstatically at him and makes him loose his concentration again.

"Yeah," she was breathless and she looked at him like she couldn't ever get enough of him, "That's certainly doing something."

Fuck. She is breathing so heavily that her chest is rising and falling in a rapid rate and her green eyes are bright as emeralds. Lily leans up on her tiptoes and presses her lips softly against his own. James shakes his head against her touches.

"I wish I could break the alliance. Right now. Sirius—"

"You need to realize that all Sirius can do is give you his opinion. You have to do what you want and what you think is right." Her arms are tight around his neck, "James, I know you think you owe it to everyone to do the right thing but you aren't thinking for yourself…you are so—" she pressed her forehead against his chest and James thought he heard her swallow forlornly, she finally looks up, green eyes shining, "you just kissed me, why?"

James stared at her with mystification, "Because I wanted too?"

"Exactly." She brushed her fingertips through his hair, "And why did you come see me?"

"Because I wanted to tell you that I don't want to marry her. Andromeda. I'm going to stop this. All of it." James answered softly as she leaned up on her tiptoes and touched noses with him. James closes his eyes as he feels her lips barely brush him, "I want the war to end. I want to play quidditch…" he paused and brushed a strand of her hair off her cheek, "I want to be with you."

A real and true smile reaches her features, "I want to be with you too but James…" her smile faltered, "What about _her_? Does she want to marry you? You are so worried about breaking this alliance and everyone getting hurt but that girl? What about her?"

Lily looked completely serious and James sighed. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and Lily stares at him keenly.

"_Of course_ she wants to marry me." James answers back sourly, "Almost everyday she reminds me that we owe our families but when I went to her place today I found out she was living with a muggleborn..."

"A muggleborn?" Lily pulls away from James and stared at him, "You're sure?"

"If Sirius is right in his guessing and he normally is." James nodded, "That's why she wants to marry me. We both have a lot in common."

"What?" Lily looked encouraged and surprised by his answer.

"We don't want to marry each other but we have to attach our names together so the purist shite keeps out of our personal lives." James answers, thinking of all of Andromeda's warnings.

He was sure Andromeda was just as fed up with the purist world as he was. Especially after he found out about her flatmate. James knew Ted was not pureblood and James also knew that Andromeda's family didn't tolerate any friendships not built off of politics and blood status. If Andromeda's family found out about Ted there was no telling what they'd do but James figured it was along the same lines of what they'd do to Lily if they found out about him and the pretty redhead.

James knew that no matter what he wanted he needed to stay away from Lily. He couldn't do whatever he was doing now but he couldn't stay away. Lily had been silent while he was thinking and her lips were pursed when he glanced at her. It was like she knew what was gong on in his head. Her shoulders dropped and she twirled a stand of red hair around her finger.

"I'm not going to make your life difficult then," She laughed softly before she wrapped her arms around herself as if in comfort, "I'll take a step back, you should marry her." She says this with such sadness, such heartbreak James realizes she thinks that James will listen to her.

Before he can answer her, tell her she's being stupid, she starts down the staircase. She doesn't look back. James doesn't go after her because the way he looks at it, everything he has with Lily is impossible. All that they are together is something ghost-like. The feelings are there but completely invisible and unable to morph into anything because of forces out of their control. They could act on those feelings but they could never fully form into anything, not as long as there were forces out there trying to break them apart.

Sirius and Lily were both asking him to make his own choices. It was time James made the choice.

"Lily, wait!" He bounded down the staircase after her, jumping two steps at a time.

Lily spun on the step and he saw her eyes were lined with tears. James reached her, put his hands on her cheeks and brought her mouth to his for a kiss. He pulled away and cupped her chin with his fingers.

"I really, really, do want to be with you. I'm not like them-"

It was like sunshine coming through the rainclouds when a smile appeared on her oval face. Her green eyes sparkled as she used her hand to push his lips back against hers. James met each of her kisses with enthusiasm, pushing his hands past her ears and to her neck, then down her back. As soon as his fingertips touched her back she moved forward, bringing her curves directly up against him.

It was heated, intense, and James couldn't get enough as her own fingers clutched to his robes like she was afraid if she let go, he'd let go. She pulled away, her green eyes shining like the first time she kissed him but this time, her lips were bright red from him kissing her back.

She placed her head on his chest and for the first time since his parents died, James felt content. He placed a hand in her hair.

"You have to give me time to figure out how to get out of the alliance without anyone getting hurt." James whispered into her hair.

She chuckled, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you." She looked up at him and all James was able to see was a white smile, "If this girl loves the muggleborn she's is trying to protect by marrying you then she'll see sense…"

James brushed her red hair back, "I still have to pretend around the purists. For a time."

Lily shakes her head, "I don't care. Pretend around them all you want. Just don't pretend around me again. _Ever_."

"Lily…" James warned, certainly she knew that he couldn't do that, "If they even get a glimpse of me with you."

"Let them come for me," She reaches her hand into his hair and ruffles it playfully, "I'd like to meet the purists. I have a few choice words I'd love to say to them."

James couldn't help but smile at her face. She was so determined to change the world. Lily had certainly changed James' world. How was he supposed to break from the allience without anyone getting hurt? Lily especially? James imagined Mr. Black torturing Lily and his smile faltered. As if sensing James' discomfort Lily placed her hand on his cheek.

"You aren't going to be safe." James feels his voice crack.

"Nothing safe is ever worth the fight." she replies lightly before pecking him once more on the lips.

No, James mused inwardly, nothing safe was worth the fight and he was going to follow Sirius' advice and finally do what he'd wanted to do since news of the war had hit his doorstep. He was going to fight for the people he believed in and for the people who believed in him. Lily leaned on her tiptoes and kissed him swiftly again.

"Sirius told me you'd stay away." She said, eyes searching his, "That's why I was so moody before, I'm sorry. Sirius said you'd do what was right for your family." She blushed, "I thought that meant you wouldn't-and when you did I—"

James shook his head, "No, I came because Sirius told me he spoke to you. I came because I'm tried of it Lily. I don't want to be a part of the purist society."

For the third time that day James was asked the question, _"What do you want?"_

James no longer felt threatened by the question and instead tucked his finger underneath Lily's chin, answering softly, "I just want to be me."

* * *

**I know it's been a long time coming, but I've been quite busy! I'm not ignoring this story though. It will be finished by summer 2014. This chapter has not been checked for errors so hopefully there weren't too many. Any questions can be turned to my tumblr account (jilybells aka hufflepuffhippie) and I really LOVE all the support you guys have been giving me so far. You will be rewarded. I promise. Song in this chapter was "Trounce" by Jon Boulet.**

**Next time:**

"You turned down the Ministry position?" Aunt Dory looked horrified, "James, what possessed you?"

James answered boldly, "I don't think I quite like the atmosphere."

"I don't think I quite like the attitude!" Aunt Dory spun away from James; "Andromeda's family will certainly find the news that their daughters future husband has no job at the Ministry."

"Doesn't matter." James replied, glancing at Sirius who nodded in support, "I'm going to find a way break the alliance."

Aunt Dory's form was like stone, not even a wisp of her hair moved, "We are not having this discussion. You will marry Andromeda."

"I won't," James felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder to try and steady him as he rocked back in anger. "You can't force me into a marriage based on politics."

"You are right," she spun with her eyes blinking terribly behind her large framed glasses, "I can't make you but Cygnus Black would certainly be happy to place an unforgivable curse on you that makes you marry his daughter and be perfectly content with it."


End file.
